Art to Say "NO"!

Oh, and in fact I did not want to do that now! I thought, going to wash the dishes. I wanted to lie down on the sofa and watch the match. Of course, later I would wash all the dishes... all the same the wife cooked a wonderful dinner, I can not dump all the work around the house!

I think such situations are familiar to everyone. Doing what you don't want, in this case, maybe a little angry - on myself, that could not say no... on a person who asked for something.

Life is full of these situations:

• Beloved grandmother, who persistently gives away her priceless carpet, into your new wonderful apartment

• The chief, who again hung an overtime unpaid assignment on you;

• A friend for whom you have become the last hope to borrow money / drink, because "I knew you would not let me down"

• Auntie, confident that it's not so difficult to go to feed her cat, while she is resting on the sea

But for whom from such "through the teeth" help is good?

People who respect themselves, their goals, values and their time, know how to say "No". They are able to refuse, reject what they do not need. The same one who does not find in himself the strength to abandon the proposal unnecessary to him, then spends his time on completely unnecessary things to him.

So how can this be learned? It would seem, just to say "no"... When someone asks you if it's raining right now, you look out the window and easily say "no." So what's the matter with the other "no"? The whole point is that in the first case this is an informational "no"! You do not refuse to help anyone. You just state the fact. There is no tension, no negative emotions, you just answer the question. It is more difficult to refuse when a person wants something from you, when there is a request in the question of the interlocutor. Deny request - how to offend, but you do not want to offend anyone! Especially if that someone - a friend, a relative.

In general, the reasons why you could not say "no", can be different:

• Social status (both yours and those who ask)

• Your relationship with the person

• Fear of refusing

But the most frequent reason is banal - impulsive response. You are busy, and in this moment someone asked you for something... Yes, yes, fine! And then, what did I agree to?

The interlocutor will understand your refusal, if you give him some simple justification. "Sorry, I'm busy." "No, for this time I have other plans." By the way, "I do not want to" - this is a real serious justification. If you really listened to yourself and realized that you do not want to, then say so! Accustom yourself to honesty. Honesty is really not always convenient, but it is better to hear a clear "No". It's not so insulting how to understand that you are being deceived. If you now wriggle out, and then, after promising, do not keep your promises...

If, on your refusal, the interlocutor starts to press and play on your feelings, then it is no longer in your ability and inability to say "No", but that your interlocutor is manipulating you.

In this case, you need to take the situation under your control. To do this, it's enough to say directly "do not push me" or something similar.

At first it will be difficult. Later - much easier, because it's a matter of experience.

Of course, there are important issues where your consent is a serious help for a person. And just to agree to do something good is very nice! Just learn to do everything consciously! And, I hope, your life will be easier :)

Sincerely, Terry Craft.

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5