I'm really sorry that you are having to face this struggle. Thank you for sharing vulnerably.

feeling like I understand them more than they understand themselves.

That's a hard place to be. It is hard to hold open the space for friends to not be as far along on this journey as we are or as far as we think they should be. While we are supposed to reveal things for each other, that hopefully happens in both directions. I wrote about that here if you're interested: You Need Your Tribe to Expand Your Perspective.

Cheers to you!