“The survivor is unlikely to get support from her family in dealing with abuse that took place within the family...."
The quote at the bottom explains the reason so well why I separated myself from much of my family of origin. I will no longer go to family functions and "act as if" nothing ever happened. I am no longer willing to pretend I am okay with my family's denial and rejection. I am no longer willing to be the scapegoat.
And the truth is if you deny, minimize or tolerate sexual abuse there is something that is not safe in your or about you. Either way, I will no longer "play let's pretend it didn't happen" with you. It has been proven that children who have been sexually abused, and even women who have been raped, that the sooner they are believed and supported the better and more complete their healing.
For those of us who told and were not supported, and/or blamed or called a liar, the damage goes deeper. We have not only been abused, we now add neglected/abandoned to the list. Which causes a feeling of unworthiness, shame and a belief that we are unlovable. Which leads to a mess of other issues, like making unhealthy choices in relationships, self harm or worse it leads to suicide.
As for me, my responsibility to my inner child is to validate her and love her unconditionally. To mother her the way I needed to be mothered but wasn't. Part of my validating her and loving her is to end relationships with people who have hurt her over and over, who deny the abuse and wants her to act as if everything is okay between us when it is not.I have had to work through false guilt over my decision to let go of certain people, my mom in particular. But the truth is I am working on my stuff and they/she can work on her own. If at some point any of them want to try to work on our relationship(s), with honesty, then I may be open to it. But I am no longer going to be the one to open the door and I am no longer willing to "act as if".
Healing requires authenticity. Which means being honest with what happened, the effects it has had and loving myself through it. I am determined to love myself the way I have always needed and haven't gotten. It am working on becoming my own safe person, my own best friend. It is a journey not an event so I am being gentle with myself when I fall short of the goal, choosing to believe I am worth it! 😍😘
“The survivor is unlikely to get support from her family in dealing with abuse that took place within the family. She may be the family scapegoat, rejected or blamed for the problems in the family. This may leave her feeling crazy, depressed, or invalidated when she has contact with her family.” Allies in Healing by Laura Davis
Excellent post I wish I could vote but I replenish my voting power, I am Friending you so I can follow and vote for your next article. I'm a survivor too, I broke from my family as well. I was called a liar after I came out about my abuse after maintaining silence and a congenial relationship with my stepfather and his family. He abused me physically, mentally/emotionally, and sexually from the time I was 8 till I was 14 yrars old. I did years of therapy and letting go of trauma conditioning before I left my family for good at the age of 40. I told my family why and told them they could make a choice, stop protecting child predators and support me. They chose my abusive stepfather and I walked away. I haven't looked back and feel 1000 times better for it...I was the scapegoat of the family. They blamed all their problems on me even if I wasn't around and they still do, but at least I can't hear them anymore. No more silence!
Same goes for any abusive authority, I don't tolerate it anymore and speakout. Excellent article @silencenomore!
Thank you so much! I am sorry to hear of your abuse and family scapegoating you...though not surprised! It seems to be the norm with abuse within families, protecting the abuser and/or the one who was suppose to protect you, who knew of the abuse, and did nothing. I am very happy to hear that you are honoring yourself and what you survived by no longer allowing it to be swept under the rug or minimized in any way! Good for you! Sending you light, love, peace and healing!
Abuse is awful, I wish this hadn't happened to anyone but it does every minute of the day around the world. I learned to use my trauma to wake up to the worlds trauma, in a positive view my trauma woke me up to my deep conditions and suffering as it's related to our world and I don't think that would of happened if I had "a normal" childhood. I'm happy you are here to share your story and healing with us. 🙏
It's very brave of you to share your story. I am sure that it will help others. Maybe someone else's Mom will read it and have a change of heart. Maybe someone who was abused and has been hiding it will draw strength from your story.
It sounds like you made the right decision. You can only control yourself and others have to take responsibilities for themselves. I hope that you find the peace, healing and love that you seek and that some of the people that you've broken away from will have a change of heart.
I enjoyed reading this - upvoted and I'll share it around - thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and for the upvote and sharing! It truly is my hearts desire to not only heal myself but also help others to heal as well!
I just read your first blog. You were abused by 15 different men starting when you were 2.5 years old and it didn't stop till you were 14
I'm following you and I will do my best to support you.
Adding a 'health' tag may be beneficial.
Join those groups that I suggested on your first blog.
Congratulations for your article.
It is, indeed, a bravery act to share such thing with others. While I wasn't even close to being in such situation, I understand (as much as I can, without experiencing anything similar) the pain others have to feel when they are treated like that.
The only two things that I can say is that first, for me at least, no matter who you are and no matter where you come from, the only people you can call family are the ones that treat you like you're part of the family. Blood has nothing to do with anything. It is the way people behave to one another and the way they understand each other that makes a group of people a "family".
And second that, it is really important to learn how to love yourself. I suffer and have always suffered from sensitivity when it came to interacting with others. The simplest word could hurt me enough to make me want to stay inside, in my bed for days, if not even weeks, and the way my family was, and because no one understood that, I had to learn how to love myself, and I can say this is one of the best things you can do.
Congratulations for your article and for your bravery once again, and I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you so much! Very wise words! It is so true that we need to love ourselves and not wait for others to do it for us! And I totally agree with you on what "family" is! Well said!
Knowing your story better than anyone here on Steemit, I'm proud to see you finally getting the support that's motivated you to tell the rest... What you're going to put into words is sure to help many others along their path to recovery as well...
Keep up the great work!
"Thanks for your support" ;-)
Are you ok @silencednomore? Haven't heard from you for a few weeks.
Thinking of you, take care!
A really honest and brave post, I'm sorry I only just found it and can't vote as its way too late. I'll check you're thread from now on though as I've followed you.
This message is so important.
I posted this yesterday and a bit of my story is in it.
https://steemit.com/truth/@tremendospercy/the-british-elites-and-the-paedophile-cover-ups
Thankyou for sharing this , You Explained this Beautifully ! much appreciated! @silencednomore
Also this is my first type of blog in Psychology : https://steemit.com/life/@haky-speaks/types-of-bipolar-disorders
Can you share your views on?