Quotes, Interpretations & Thoughts Vol. 2 - Solitude Vs Loneliness

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“If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre

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I love quotes which contain deep meanings within a short sentence!

The above quote by Jean-Paul Sartre is one of those and it's my choice today for sharing my interpretation and thoughts on it.

Solitude Vs Loneliness - Definitions

Two words that are used to describe the state of being alone which in dictionaries are referred to as synonyms, but they have a very different meaning when it comes to their psychological and emotional meaning.
Let's see the definitions given by Wikipedia for each one of them:

Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e., lack of contact with people. It may stem from bad relationships, loss of loved ones, deliberate choice, infectious disease, mental disorders, neurological disorders or circumstances of employment or situation.
Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired for the sake of privacy.

Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection or communication with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional and physical factors.

Solitude

ln my understanding solitude is more about a deliberate choice or a conscious decision of accepting the fact, that for various reasons (as described in the definition) one must be alone or can be found in a state of being alone.

When we talk about a deliberate choice, there are not many things to explain as it speaks by itself.

What is important to examine here is when someone is found in a state of solitude not by choice but by circumstances.
Whatever the reasons of this seclusion, a person can always find the way to cope with this situation and avoid the negative emotions about it.

In the definition of solitude in Wikipedia we read:

A distinction has been made between solitude and loneliness. In this sense, these two words refer, respectively, to the joy and the pain of being alone.

We understand that when someone finds him/her self in a state of being alone due to circumstances, it's up to them how they will respond and feel about it... If they feel good with that everything is great, but if they can't accept it this is when solitude transform to:

Loneliness

As we read in the definition of loneliness, it's an emotional response to a situation and not the situation itself -in this case the situation of being alone.
Unfortunately the emotions associated with loneliness are not positive ( anxiety, fear, lack of connection, etc).

This is where the quote chosen for today fits in the equation of this article:

“If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”

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What makes a person being a bad company for themselves?

I believe the keyword to this question is self-acceptance.
And if we want to be more accurate, the lack of it...

We grow up with "no"," don't", "that's not right", "you have been a bad boy/girl" (the list can be endless) and as a result we are becoming adults full of self limiting beliefs, which are translated to low self-esteem, destructive self-talk and an attitude of "I am a victim of circumstances" or even worse " I am not worthy".

Having these beliefs about our selves there is no wonder why we are becoming a bad company for our selves.

So what can we do to change that?

The best thing we can do is embrace:

Self Acceptance

As you can see from the definition on the right, self acceptance is all about loving our selves as we are...

We don't have to be perfect in order to love and accept our selves...

Are the people you love perfect? No, but you still love them as they are!

That's how it should be with our selves too..!

I am not saying that it's the easiest thing to do, but with practice we can can get better and better at it everyday (as with everything in life).

What can we do?

Let's see together a few basic and important steps one can do to start accepting and loving themselves.

• Forgive your self for previous mistakes. The past is gone and cannot be changed. Examine what went wrong, take the lesson(s) and let go without further judgement.

• Stop comparing with others. The only person you "compete" with is yourself. Become better from what you 've been or achieved until today, not what your neighbor is or achieved...

• Stop worrying or complaining about things you can't control. E.g. if the weather is rainy, manage to accept it even if you don't like it. There are definitely things you enjoy doing even if it's raining!

• Become aware of your thoughts and learn to observe them. Check what kind of feelings they create inside you. If you don't like them, release them and create new, better ones.

• Stop judging your self. You are not perfect and you don't have to be perfect. If you just did something wrong, smile and correct it.

When you practice these steps daily, eventually you will reach a point where you will have a much more respect and acceptance towards your self and this will help you feel much better during times of solitude.

Solitude over loneliness

Coming to the end, I hope this article was helpful for you to examine if you are feeling the joy of solitude or you slip into the trap of loneliness.
Most likely you can identify yourself in both situations...
The ideal would be, whenever you catch yourself getting in the loneliness mood, to follow some or all of the above steps and start enjoying your time with your self.
Don't forget, you are the person that spends all the time with yourself... Make it worthy and joyful!

Until the next time keep smiling, love your self and enjoy life!