Meeting a Sociopath: Part 1
Eight years ago I met my ex-husband. I was working in accounting at a large department store and I also owned my own small business and travelled to different themed festivals dressed as a pirate selling my items. I had just dropped out of an Air Force enrollment due to health problems and was unhappy with my living situation at the time. I had been single for a few years but I was content. I met my ex through a mutual friend I was casually dating at the time. We were both ready to move on and this guy kept flirting. It isn't hard to hook up at these festivals and I also was into the bar scene at the time, I still don't know why I was drawn to my ex, but I was.
He's a natural charmer. Something he had worked at his whole life. He knows how to play on words. His stories should have tipped me off that something was off. I didn't believe him but I just brushed them off. I didn't know better back then. Stupid things like; "I could have been a Nascar racer but my ex wouldn't let me", "I had the chance at racing dirt bikes professionally but my ex..." and "I used to skateboard with Tony Hawk"... These were common stories for him. Delusions. Ones he tries to tell the kids now. We both grew up in Southern California and knowing a celebrity was not an uncommon thing. You go to school with people who become famous or succeed in the industry at some point. It's nearly every kids dream there to sing or act. I wanted to be a veterinarian growing up. Later from high school until I was 24 I wanted to work security forces for the air force. I had no plans of kids or family life. Health is a fickle thing. I knew/know people successful in entertainment, was in some dumb commercial as a kid too. I am too shy. So not uncommon, but his stories were off. There was just something to the way he told them that made them unbelievable. Delusions of Grandeur was the first red flag...
Three months into dating and things are rocky. We were at a Renaissance festival and I attended for fun while he worked a booth for the guy I met him through. Often workers would camp on site. We had a tent set up behind the fence. After hours parties were common. Me and two other girls went to dance behind a curtain. Shadow dancing or something in an upstairs room. People took turns doing it while everyone else danced below. Some guy made a nasty comment about me sexually I guess and my ex got mad. He got mad at me though. When we came down from the room he grabbed me by my arm and dragged me back to the campsite. I have a natural reaction to guys in my face from my previous ex who had alcohol issues. He was screaming in my face and I pushed him away from me. He pushed me against the fence and I was trying to smack at him. Then he pinned my neck against the fence. I don't know what made him let go, every occasion since I still don't. Some day he isn't going to let go with someone and I will carry guilt for never turning him in.
After he let go the screaming continued. I was on the ground crying and he tried to kick me. I leaned back to avoid it. He would have hit my head. Then he took off. His 3 year old son was in the tent sleeping so I stayed at the site. He ran off to an old Navy buddy and told him what happened. That guy checked on me every mutual fair after. My ex never touched me at a fair again. When he came back to the tent later that night he was accusatory. Somehow it was my fault and didn't I get it that he loved me?
I should have left at that point...