First Guided Meditation ~ An Out-Of-This-World Experience

Being a young person working, going to school, and trying to make my way in life, I felt that stress was just something that I had to accept. As of the past few weeks it had been building and building and I could feel my body crying out for help. My eye would twitch, I was extremely irritable, and my mind was whirring with questions. I knew that there had to be something more than this.

I stumbled upon a local meetup for guided meditation and figured that I had nothing left to lose. I'd tried yoga, working out, alcohol, and other means to try to quiet my mind and help me reset. If you had told me a month ago that I'd be lying down listening to music in a dark room full of strangers, I would have asked what the hell you were smoking.

We sat in a room with a friendly woman who answered all of my questions. It started with my Western mind asking, "How does this, err, start?" Many people think meditation means clearing your mind and being still, or chanting for hours on end. Being the most fidgety, mind-whirring, awkward individual, I knew that would be something difficult for me to grasp. She told me that everyone has their own unique experience and that it is a journey and not a destination. We sat down and listened to music while doing some introductory mindfulness techniques. Then it started to get heavy.

What Really Matters

She asked us to think of something that was important to us. There's so much in my life that's important that normally I wouldn't know where to begin. Without fail, I had an image surface in my mind of the outline of a house lit up like a neon sign. It had stick figures illuminated inside representing me, my husband, and our animals. Nothing more. It helped me realize that all the things that I stress about are insignificant. The only thing that really matters to me are the people inside that house, not the worldly problems or possessions. It was in this moment that I realized my subconscious mind knew more about me than I do.

Letting Go

...is not something I'm good at. I probably spend half of my alone time mulling over the past. This is where wise old Rafiki strikes me on the head and tells me to put the past behind me. I often ponder over people or the loss of people that were once close to me. When she asked us to visualize something that has been troubling us, I thought of my old friend. We used to stay awake and talk for hours about the mysteries of this universe. That is where my mind wanders when I feel alone or misunderstood. As I was visualizing this clear as day, she then told us in a kind a gentle voice to let it go. Did I want to let it go? Before I could rationalize this to myself, I saw the memory dissolve and fade into the distance. It was gone. When I try to think of it now it doesn't give me the same emotions. I no longer feel the presence of the loss or use the memory to comfort me. That's the first time I can say what it feels like to truly, in an instant, let it go.

The Wall

She had described it as the wall between our subconscious and our true self. By the time that we came to visualize this wall in our meditation, I knew it something much more familiar. It was the metaphorical wall that I use to keep people out. It was the wall that kept me from being fully able to give and receive love, the one I'd painstakingly built over the course of my entire life. She instructed us to visualize a tool and chip away at it, bigger and bigger chunks as we went. She told us that as we continued to practice, it would one day be like a dam bursting open into our true selves. I didn't want that kind of subtly. I wanted the falling of the Berlin Wall. I wanted riots. I wanted tears. I wanted the end of an era, the end of this wall that governs my life.

When we left, I felt like there was a huge weight off my chest. My bag fell off of its hook and before I would have felt awkward, looking around to see if anyone witnessed my clumsy moment. Now, I just didn't care. I had started off feeling very sore, sitting on the ground with my muscles tense. After the meditation, I felt like I'd just had a full-body massage. My husband and I sat in the car going over our experiences. We actually used to pay people to make us feel that relaxed and good at a spa day, only to realize that we had the power within ourselves. I felt like it was one of the biggest gifts that I could ever hope to receive and am excited to see what else I discover on this journey.

Have you tried meditation, or would you consider it? Tell me in the comments! As always, upvotes and resteems are appreciated :)

Photo credit Dingzeyu Li https://unsplash.com/search/meditation?photo=ie8WW5KUx3o