I do not like this game anymore, I do not want to play. [Psychology] (Part 2) [english]

Hello everyone, today I am ready to continue the topic about games that we do as adults that are not so fun, I will leave this link for those who have not read it or want to review it. He had left a question in the air: Can we leave the games? As I had already shown the answer is not so simple, let's see why

Games are ways of relating, not simply because we are manipulative, or because we are dysfunctional or more colloquial because we are touched by the head. It is important that we understand that all games that we do have as a goal to obtain a benefit as love, positive words, compliments. Eric Berne (transactional analysis theorist calls it caresses)

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We must mention, the relevance of our childhood. Berne, stands out since we are very small we created an unconscious plan of life, which has been forgotten but we keep it in our life. If a child has been denied demonstrations of affection by their family, for example, feeling and expressing emotions are forbidden. However, both receive affection and the need to express emotions, is something basic in human beings, therefore, seeking to meet these needs will cause games to be used to avoid what has been prohibited.

The games allow us not to express real emotions that were forbidden by the family, and socially allows us to relate to others without having to be intimate with them. Generally, in this type of family that rejects emotionality, they end up making our Father a critical Father, according to Berne, this maintains some economic rules that govern our relationships, these are:

Do not give positive caresses that correspond to give
Do not accept positive caresses that you deserve
Do not ask for positive caresses that you deserve
Do not reject destructive negative caresses
Do not give yourself the positive caresses you need.

Through games we do not really get what we are looking for, because we get the pseudo-caresses, negative caresses and substitutive emotions, the last one is the final emotion of confusion and depression left by the games. But important to make a clarification; the abrupt deprivation of these caresses could end in serious cases like depression or suicide since this is a way of expressing something we need and that we avoid doing other ways by our own prohibitions. But then, are we still playing and now? Sáez Alonso the author that I work, tells us that it’s almost utopian not to make these games, what we must understand is that this cannot be our only way of relating.

And then, what do we do with the games? The we can try is...

Make positive the game benefits
This implies offering alternatives to achieve what is sought, which are positive caresses, but for this there must do a sanitation of the person, that is, he must improve his existential position. And what is this? It’s a way of seeing the world, one is that I’m good and others are wrong; the other, I’m wrong, and the others are good; the other is I am wrong and the others are wrong; and the ideal, You're good and I'm good. We must relate to the last one, where both parties win, and the reward is the same for everything.

You can discover the game
This implies we make ourselves aware of it, but make a change, using the roles of our Self that can be useful to generate positive caresses, using, for example the loving Father, but not overprotective, the Adult Self and the free Child, that can generate a positive change in the game and generate non-negative caresses.

Follow the games
This is an alternative when finish the game can do more harm to the person. But for this we must be aware and seek to reduce the impact of the game. Follow them often means letting ourselves be led by him but being in our Adult State we cannot be affected by ourselves and not affect the other person with the outcome of the game.

Do it less serious the game
It requires an effort from us and not put the bait, or not waver or just don’t change roles, just don’t do what is expected of us. This also reduces the impact of the game.

Final recommendation
I really believe that the understanding of the other and of oneself is important, having the emotional intelligence that allows us to understand our feelings and those of others. And help us and help the others, through love, affection and love. We must recognize ourselves, praise and love ourselves, and support others when they need it most. Let us feel and be able to bring love to others to maintain better relationships and improve our emotional life.

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By: Ninibeth
Thank you for reading!

References
Rafael Sáez Alonso. The psychological games according to the transactional analysis.