The Spotlight Effect & How It's Completely Awesome That Nobody's Paying Attention
So, I'm sitting in my Social Psychology class during my junior year of college and this tiny little lesson smacks me in the face with a mega dose of reality. It was so life-changing, I feel like we all should know this (if we don't).
I grew up with the messed up notion that what I said, did, and looked like, actually really mattered to other people around me. I know, this sounds like it's going somewhere bleak. Stay with me, I'll make my point soon.
I used to be so paranoid that I was going to embarrass myself around my peers because I didn't have the right makeup on, or clothes, or I didn't dance the same way, or act the same way. I would wish I could crawl under a rock and disappear when I let any of my imperfections show in front of them. I just knew they were thinking about all the ways I was fundamentally flawed.
This incorrect way of thinking led me to do a lot to please other people. It led me to wear clothes I hated, pretend I liked things I didn't, and to even change my major because I believed that it was more important to be approved of, than not. The pressure to be approved of was so disheartening that I would feel a huge sense of liberation when I did something as simple as wear the thrift store tees I kept hidden in the bottom of my drawer. Look out world, I'm actually unique!
The truth, though? The truth is a simple little phenomenon called The Spotlight Effect. This is a common phenomenon where most people believe they are the center of the world's attention. (How egocentric of us!) The result of The Spotlight Effect is that nobody is paying attention because we all believe we're the center of attention. When everyone is in the spotlight, no one actually is.
It all sounds depressing right? No one cares what I do, or is even paying attention to me?
IT'S SO NOT DEPRESSING.
If you think about it, it's one of the most liberating realizations you can have! NO ONE CARES WHAT I DO. THAT MEANS I CAN BE MYSELF AND NO ONE WILL CARE!!
So, wear that bright orange lipstick or the crazy chops sideburns. Cut your hair into a hot pink mohawk. Dance awkwardly to the music playing at Target because the Biebs is KILLING it in his new single. Wear the black leggings every day because they don't squeeze your stomach to death. Avoid all heels because it doesn't matter what shoe designers and the fashion bloggers of the world say is sexy... you don't feel sexy on poorly constructed stilts. Use the word 'Shit' on Facebook even if your aunt is going to tell your dad. Don't freak out if you have a ketchup stain from lunch on your shirt or a big pimple scar on your cheek, or your teeth aren't perfectly white.
And for God's sake, cut those stupid bangs you've wanted to get in forever.
Don't believe me? I've got a perfect example:
One of my coworkers did an experiment on us without our knowledge. For an entire month, he wore the exact same shirt and pants every day. He even went out and bought several of each so he could avoid having to do laundry multiple times a week. He was sure we would all notice, but, after an entire month, not a single one of us had commented on his repetitive attire. Because, the truth was, we were all just glad he was there doing his job, and being his pleasant self. We didn't even notice his clothes.
Be willing to be yourself in public and say what you really mean, and don't pretend to love Beyonce just because everyone else does.
Let your freak flag fly. There's only one you, and since no one is really that involved in caring about the super little things that you think are hugely important to them, don't you think it's kind of time to stop trying to please everybody?
Seriously, just do you. Life is so much easier that way.
Fun little fact: I was choosing photos to include in this post and kept passing by these ones because I was sure you'd all be grossed out by the flaws that are visible. My crooked teeth. My chin pimple, or my weird out of place chunk of hair. You guys didn't see any of it until I said that right? If you did, well cool, you're a little judgy, aren't ya? I also thought for a second that if I posted pictures of myself that would make everyone think I was obsessed with myself. And then it hit me... that is the WHOLE point of this post. No one REALLY cares.