Who am I? A process of finding it out NOW

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This post is about how to find out 'who you are' (at this point in time), simply by regularly assessing & investigating in who you are in your day-to-day life. In doing so, you will be able to discern and interpret recurring patterns that come forth from your regular self-analysis; patterns that denote, and thus give you an answer to, the question of who you are.

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Many of us wander around nowadays with truly a head-splitting matter; an existential question to which, according to some, finding the answer to is the most difficult quest in life. And it is:

WHO AM I?

While there are long, complicated and very complex answers to that one - there is also one very simple answer, and it lies in the following question:

WHO ARE YOU NOW?

Meaning, how do you feel now? What goes through your mind? What is your attitude towards others, life, and yourself? What do you experience, and what does that say about YOU?

Do you experience emotions like restlessness, suspicion, anger, cheerfulness, or something else?
What do your thoughts say? Perhaps "I can't trust them", "He/she won't like me", "People are naturally helpful" or "Of course I am going to do this well"?
And do certain thoughts go with certain emotions, and vice versa?

Taking this first step of checking yourself NOW is a great start, as it is the first and 'small' but potentially huge life-changing step of getting to know yourself - and this by doing some good, decent self-assessment.

To further and spur the process of answering your burning existential question, start checking yourself OFTEN. From here, you should at a certain point (and in not too long) be able to detect and expose the RECURRING STATES / PATTERNS that define your daily state of mind/being. This, logically, is a GREAT KEY in finding out who you are. Why?

BECAUSE YOUR DAILY & COMMON STATE OF MIND DETERMINES & DEFINES WHO YOU ARE

Sounds logical? ... So if you feel anxious a lot, then you might be (partially) described as 'an anxious person'. If have a lot of competitive thoughts, and/or behave competitively - then you can be typified as 'competitive'. If you are joking around the whole time, then one could say you are a 'joker'. Etc.

Now, this looks straightforward - and very obvious perhaps. And as it may seem / be obvious, there may be a bit more to it than you think. For being introspective (i.e. checking / investigating what goes on inside of you) ON A FREQUENT BASIS might reveal more of yourself than you might initially think.

You might find out that you are a constellation of different 'personalities', or roles, in different situations and/or different people. You might for example find out that you are a whole lot more colorful as a person than you initially thought, wearing a manifold of robes within your being and expression during the day. Or you might for example label and think of yourself as an 'anxious person' or even a 'coward'. Yet, with being keen and aware, you might find out that you display forms of courage in some sets of circumstances - so that you find that you are perhaps more courageous than you think (and so actually also are / have the potential to be a courageous person) - next to being a loving person, a jealous person etc. Remember and realize that we are 'multi-dimensional beings' wearing many hats - and seeing those many 'hats' as personalities in the self-reflective mirror of our growing self-awareness is a deeply intriguing thing to witness.

You might start to see that you are a being with different personality 'layers' - with some dominant / major personality traits, and some offshoots or minor ones that complement them / you further; e.g.:

1. 'caring', 'introvert', 'hardworking', 'creative', 'socially anxious', 'sensitive'
2. 'self-conscious', 'meticulous', 'warm', 'self-critical', 'expressive' (in art and with close ones)
3. ....
   (Where 1 stands for the major ones and 2 & 3 for minor ones)

Note though, and this is important, that you do not justify or rationalize thoughts, emotions or behaviors - for within doing so you create the risk of changing their nature/quality or what they actually say about you. This means that if you for example experience jealousy (and note this down in your note-app for example), that you don't add anything that might justify, change or explain away your experience (for example: "I was jealous, but that was because he acted suspicious"). This is a no no, for what you do in such a moment is that you make another responsible for you experiences/behaviors - explaining away your own very self that reacted in that moment. Remember that all your reactions are yours and tell everything about you, and essentially very little to nothing about someone else. So stick to noting down your experience/thought/emotion/behavior. You can of course add a 'dry' description of the situation (which is actually an added extra bonus point) that led up to your reaction - but never blame or make someone else responsible for you own states. So keep that in mind.

Some might ask: why not take a personality test online? Won't that give me a quick answer? Well, there are multiple issues with (online) personality tests - but the most prominent drawback is that is a quick and dirty typification of who you 'are', pushing you into a straight-jacket version of who you supposedly would be according to that specific test. But... Different types of tests give you different answers of who you 'are' ... so who are you then really?

With you checking and defining yourself you have a far more person-specific and accurate tool - given you are specific & accurate in your assessment of course (as defined per your -self-honesty). And, let's not forget, with checking and assessing yourself you set the good habit of training the skill of self-awareness. So that's that.

On that note: progressing with your self-awareness experience, you will start to identify all sorts of 'subtle' states playing within you; states you were never really fully aware of, but which are always/often there nevertheless - buried somewhere in the background of your daily mind. These states are, despite their subtlety, VERY DEFINING FOR WHO YOU ARE - influencing you as background processes.

It is like finding out that there are these strings, like those from a spiderweb - almost invisible to the eye, yet strong and sticky - fanning out from the center of who you are; from the light-hub or your 'normal' / 'daily' consciousness. These strings pull, direct & nudge you into all sorts of directions - contributing to how you think, feel and act in the end without you (previously) being aware of it. But who or what is then the queen spider of your self-directive and -awareness? Well, that's an issue for another day. (Spoiler: it's US, not some enigmatic mystic force or something, thank God)

Anyhow, let us not get too much into foreign things; let's start with directing your attention/awareness inward - refocusing on asking & assessing what goes on within you NOW, at this moment. As said this will, over time, give you a superb overall idea of what is going on inside of you - and thus giving you an answer of who you are AT THIS POINT OF TIME IN YOUR LIFE.

(I am saying ‘at this point in time in your life’, for... who you are now does not have to define who you CAN BE later on. You can change, of course. But the whole point of going from who you are now to who you can be etc. is a longer discussion – which will be another point for another blog.)

So for now, let's keep it simple yet profound: take the first steps

• Check yourself, regularly, asking: "WHAT IS GOING ON WITHIN ME NOW?" (thoughts, emotions, energies etc.)
• Note down your findings (do this, it will help you memorize your states over time, enabling you to see patterns)
• Find & label recurring patterns of emotions, energies, thoughts etc. (e.g. 'I am irritated quite often', 'I think every day about organizing things around me', 'I love to play with my dog')
• And ask yourself: "WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT ME?"
• See if you can catch your answer into a word that could describe a personality trait ('adjectives' or 'characters'; e.g. 'concerned', 'friendly', '(a) joker', '(a) whiner')
• OPTIONAL: create different 'layers' / hierarchies / of major & minor personality traits

NOTES

• Take as many trials/samples/checks as you can. The more trials, the more reliable your Self-data-set ;)
• Be real with yourself, and don't censor your sh*t (!) This is really important, as you want an honest and reliable answer, otherwise you are just fooling yourself and are building/strengthening a 'false image / ego'; i.e. a distorted self-perception that will catch up with you sooner or later. So be real with yourself and do not hide from what is not so pretty about yourself. You should at least be equally interested in what makes you 'good' as what makes you 'bad'. Also because seeing the 'bad' gives you the opportunity to change the 'bad' into the 'good! Yay.
• If it all gets a bit much, focus primarily on the (recurring) states where you experience STRONG ENERGIES / EMOTIONS; those will tell you volumes about yourself, and strongly dictate who we are within ourselves and ultimately in our expression/behavior. Get those first, you want 'em on top in your self-dictionary.

Now you start to see what you were aiming for, as you start to find out who you are (at this point in time). This apparent 'superhuman' achievement is thus summarized in a few simple steps: i.e. checking and defining your daily state of mind/being + finding & seeing the recurring patterns of what goes on within you. Voilà. Yes, it takes some practice - but you can definitely get there with some practice!

Thanks for reading, good luck and enjoy!
If you have any questions or comments, please post 'em.

Resteeming appreciated.

Ciao!