NEVER-EVER AGAIN: THE CYCLE OF GUILT THAT KEEPS US TRAPPED IN THE THINGS WE HATE TO DO

HI GUYS, I HAD AN INSIGHT THE OTHER DAY, WHICH 'BLEW ME A BIT OFF MY STOOL' SO TO SPEAK. IT'S ABOUT HOW GUILT AND SELF-JUDGEMENT RELATE TO OUR DESIRE AND TENDENCY TO (RE)COMMIT OUR NAUGHTY DEEDS & BAD BEHAVIORS. AND OF COURSE, WITH HAVING AN INTEREST IN KINDLING MANKIND'S PULL TOWARDS SELF-INSIGHT - I CHOSE TO POST IT HERE, AS A BLOG AND A VLOG. HOPE YOU GET SOMETHING GOOD OUT OF IT! :)

HERE IS THE LINK TO THE VIDEO I MADE

AND READ ON FOR THE CONCISE BLOG VERSION!

(NOTE: I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY USE OF CAPITALS IN THIS ONE - IT JUST HAPPENED TO BE SO! ;))

OK, LET'S GO.

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GUILT = SOMETHING DONE YOU ‘DIDN’T WANT TO DO’

OFTEN ‘THAT WHAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO’ = SOMETHING YOU DID WANT TO DO --- OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE TEMPTED TO DO IT IN THE END

I.E. ‘ACCIDENTS’ DON’T HAPPEN FOR NO REASON

SO GUILT => SECRET (DARKER?) DESIRE MANIFESTED

AND SO, IN THE PERIOD WHERE YOU DIDN’T DO THE GUILTY THING (CAN BE OVER A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME) YOU SECRETLY DESIRED TO DO IT, BUT WERE ABLE TO ‘RESTRAIN YOURSELF’

“I WANT BUT I CAN’T / MAY NOT”

IN THE PERIOD OF SELF-RESTRAINT, YOU MOST PROBABLY SUPPRESSED YOUR DESIRE / GUILTY PLEASURE (E.G. FORCING OUT OF AWARENESS, TELLING YOURSELF IT DOESN’T EXIST, ‘SUBLIMATING’ / TRANFORMING IT INTO WORKAHOLISM, PIOUSNESS ETC.)

THIS HAS LED TO A BUILD-UP OF SUPPRESSED ENERGY
WHICH SOONER OR LATER NEEDS TO BE VENTED, AND COME OUT, IN SOME WAY – AS ‘EVERYTHING NEEDS TO PAYED ITS DUE’
(ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE ‘WEAK-WILLED’, AS IN DRUNK, EMOTIONAL ETC.)

WHEN RELEASING THE SUPRESSED ENERGY AS THE DESIRE, IT TENDS TO BE STRONG (‘EXTREME’, ‘OUT OF CONTROL’ ETC.) – THIS AS IT HAS BEEN BUILT UP OVER A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME, INTENSIFYING ITSELF

SO THE SUPPRESSION OF THE DESIRE BEING DONE…
IT IS NOTHING BUT ‘NATURAL’ AND BOUND TO COME OUT AT SOME POINT

WHY?

AGAIN, BECAUSE IT HAS BECOME STRONG OVER TIME, WITH ALL THE ENERGETIC SUPPRESSION THAT COMES WITH IT – TO SUCH A POINT THAT THE BUBBLE HAD TO BURST AT SOME TIME

NOW THEN. WHY IS GUILT A PROBLEM WITHIN THIS?
WOULDN’T IT BE OUR MORAL COMPASS THAT GUIDES US IN NOT DOING IT AGAIN?

WELL, NOT PER SE. WHY? BECAUSE GUILT PRACTICALLY ALWAYS INCLUDES SELF-JUDGMENT.

AND... THIS SELF-JUDGMENT OFTEN COMES WITH MORE SUPPRESSION
(“HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS, NEXT TIME I WILL TRY EVEN HARDER TO NOT DO IT. I WILL TIE A ROPE AROUND MY WILLY, AND PUNISH MYSELF EVEN HARDER!!”)

MORE SUPPRESSION WILL LEAD TO MORE ENERGETIC BUILD-UP AND JUST ENSURES WE WILL, OVER TIME, DO THE EXACT SAME THING AGAIN – USUALLY WHEN OUR WILL-POWER IS DOWN AND WE ‘CANNOT RESTRAIN OURSELVES ANY LONGER’

FOR: SUPPRESSION INTENSIFIED = MORE ENERGY DIRECTED TOWARDS / INTO IT (TO ‘CONTROL IT’)
=> SUBCONSCIOUS GETS MESSAGE: “THIS IS REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT!!”
=> SUBCONSCIOUS FLAGS IT AS REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT
=> SUBCONSCIOUS KEEPS REMINDING YOU THE CONCEPT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT
(AND SO, THE 'GUILTY' CONCEPT AS A WHOLE COMES UP IN OUR CONSCIOUS AWARENESS - AS A 'TOTAL PACKAGE', THAT IS INCLUDING THE DESIRE, AS IT IS ALL INTERLINKED IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS)
=> => DESIRE POPS UP MORE AND MORE AS IT IS SUPPRESSED MORE AND MORE
=> INCREASED LIKELIHOOD DESIRE IS ACTED OUT, FOR OUR WILL IS LIMITED AND THE FLESH IS WEAK

SO: MORE ENERGY INVESTED = MORE ‘GROWTH’ (OF WHATEVER YOU INVEST ENERGY IN)
(+ WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS)

THE SYSTEM:
DESIRE (GUILTY PLEASURE) => SUPPRESSION => ENERGETIC BUILD-UP => WEAK MOMENT => EXPLOSION
=> GUILT => SUPPRESSION ++ => ENERGETIC BUILD-UP ++ => WEAK MOMENT => EXPLOSION ++

SO IF ANYTHING, GUILT (AND ITS ACCOMPANYING SELF-JUDGMENT) WILL ONLY INCREASE THE LIKELIHOOD OF MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN, INSTEAD OF LESSEN IT – AND PERHAPS EVEN LEADS TO MORE EXTREME ‘PURGES’ OF THE BUILT-UP ENERGY COMING FROM THE REPRESSED DESIRE.

THIS, IN ITS ULTIMATE AND WICKED FORM, CAN BE SEEN IN THE PERSON WHO IS TOTALLY SPLIT-UP ON THE INSIDE, TORN BETWEEN THEIR GUILT/SELF-JUDGMENT AND THEIR UNCONTROLLABLE DESIRES.

THINK THE FATHER WHO COMMITS INCEST WITH HIS DAUGHTER, AND HATES HIMSELF FOR IT

THINK THE REGULAR DRUG-USER WHO IS CONDEMNING HIMSELF AND HIS DRUGS AFTER WAKING UP HUNG OVER, TELLING HIMSELF NOT TO USE IT EVER AGAIN, ONLY TO FIND HIMSELF DOING THE SAME THING AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND – CYCLING, UNTIL HE HAS BECOME AN SELF-LOATHING ADDICT WHO LIVES IN CONSTANT INNER CONFLICT BETWEEN WANTING TO BE CLEAN BUT NEED(L)ING TO GET HIGH.

THINK OF THE ‘SINNER’ WHO HAS TO REPENT FOR HIS TRESSPASSINGS OF THINKING ‘EVIL THOUGHTS’ – LEST HE ROAST IN HELL -, ONLY TO FIND HIMSELF BECOMING PREOCCUPIED WITH ‘EVIL THOUGHTS’, AND SO ENDS UP PRACTICING THE PIOUS ‘MORTIFICATION OF THE FLESH’ BY WHIPPING HIMSELF EVERY DAY UNTIL THE BLOOD COMES OUT.

FUCKED-UP RIGHT?

SO WHEN WE SPEAK THE WORDS “NEVER EVER AGAIN” - BEWARE! – FOR WE ARE ACTUALLY IN DANGER OF TRAPPING OURSELVES IN A SELF-SUP/REPRESSIVE CYCLE WHERE WE ACTUALLY STRENGTHEN THE DESIRE / NEED OVER TIME, AND THUS ARE MORE LIKELY TO ACT IT OUT, AND POSSIBLY ALSO MORE CONSEQUENTIALLY, IN BIGGER ‘EXPLOSIONS’.

– SO WHAT IS NOW THE ACTUAL PROBLEM?
THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE ACTUAL POINT BEHIND THE ‘GUILTY’ ACT: WHY DID WE DO IT SPECIFICALLY? WHAT IS THE EXACT NATURE OF THE DESIRE? WHERE IS IT COMING FROM, AND WHAT AM I LACKING WITHIN MYSELF THAT STANDS FOR / GETS TRANSLATED INTO THE DESIRE? (I.E. WHAT DOES THE DESIRE ‘COVER UP’ FOR?)

EXAMPLES:

1. UNRELENTING DESIRE TO GET LAID / BEING SEX-OBSESSED: NOT BEING INTIMATE WITH ONESELF / NOT HAVING SELF-VALUE

2. DESIRE TO GET ‘FUCKED-UP’ BY USING DRUGS ETC.: LOW SELF-ESTEEM, FEELING (SOCIALLY) INSECURE, FEELING STUCK IN LIFE (AND WANTING TO ‘ESCAPE’ THROUGH DRUGS)

3. BEING A RELIGIOUS FANATIC: NOT WANTING TO LOOK AT ONE’S OWN ‘DEMONS’ AS ONE’S REPRESSED ISSUES THAT FESTER WITHIN EXACTLY BECAUSE OF RELIGIOUS FANATICISM AND SELF-JUDGMENT

… AND SO, ULTIMATELY, WILL-POWER WILL NOT GET US WHERE WE WANT TO BE.

WE HAVE TO WALK A PATH OF SELF-INVESTIGATION WHERE WE GET BRUTALLY REAL WITH OURSELVES, AND LOOK INTO OUR UNCONTROLLABLE DESIRES AS BEING REPRESENTATIONS OF OUR INSECURITIES, FEARS AND HURT.

IF NOT, WE CHOSE TO CYCLE IN OUR GUILT-TRIPS ALTERNATED WITH BOUTS OF ‘INDULGENCE’ THAT MAKE US FEEL EVEN MORE FUCKED-UP AFTER THE SMOKE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING; LEAVING US EMPTY, FORLORN AND HATING OURSELVES MORE AND MORE. NOT A NICE PATH TO BE ON (BELIEVE ME, I’VE BEEN THERE, OFTEN).

WHAT WE FIND AS OUR DEEPER TRUTHS, WE NEED TO FACE AND FORGIVE – WHILE STANDING TRUE TO OURSELVES IN THE FACE OF ‘TEMPTATION’. AND NOT BE SELF-JUDGMENTAL ABOUT IT. WE HAVE TO BE CHILL YET STRONG, AND STEADFAST IN SELF-CARE.

THANK YOU, BYE