Mini Motivation #49 - Can people be honest with you?

in #psychology7 years ago

When you look back over the past few months, and no one has given you a hard, honest feedback, then it usually meant three things:

  1. You haven't done much to be given a feedback
  2. You don't have people that cared enough for your improvement
  3. You are too egoistic to not even recognise those feedback

Think about this: you go to a restaurant and had a bad meal. If you tell the manager about it, they can choose to ignore you, or they can choose to improve. That's their choice. But the worst thing you can do is leave without saying anything and never go back, and the restaurant will never know why they lost a customer.

Giving the hard truth to someone is never easy, for we had all experienced harsh defensiveness (from the other party) in the past, especially when emotions are involved. Which is probably why most of us choose to just keep quiet when we know we need to speak up, because we have all experienced or observed backlashes that weren't favourable.

In your life, as the manager of the restaurant mention above, how often you receive honest feedback is a reflection of you.

A few questions I'll part you with, which was taught to me over the years by my own coaches who were invested in my growth as much as their own:

  1. Had there been feedback I've received which, due to my ego, that was misinterpreted as a personal attack? Was I objective during those times, or just emotional?
  2. Have I asked feedback from those closest to me? Are they trying to protect my feelings and not let me in on their honest thoughts?
  3. In the past, when I had received feedback, how did I responded? Had I been welcoming of it, or defensive?
  4. When others do give me feedback, did I use that information to grow myself, or did I just patronise the person and do nothing with it? That could be a reason why you haven't been receiving feedback of late, because when other do hand it to you, their words were just being taken for granted, and the observed you haven't put the information to good use.
  5. Are the people closest to me withholding information for my growth, to keep me in the dark?

The last one is a kicker too, because if you answered Yes, then you seriously need a new set of friends.

Mini Motivation is my own daily strategy to inspire myself. Mostly 3 minute reads.

From Motivation, we gain Inspiration. From Inspiration, we achieve Momentum. And the rest, they say, is history.

Hope it helps nudge you a bit too in the right direction.

Oh it did? Let me know in the comments, and of course an upvote would be a nice motivation for me. :)

Stay awesome!


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I once lost a friend, because I was honest. She had trouble finding a job. I liked her, but she appeared kind of weird. And she sent out a lot of job requests and was called for a conversation almost every time. And almost every time, she was declined.

I told her that she could appear a little strange, because I wanted to help her.

She didn't appreciate my help, and I never heard from her again.

But yes, I prefer people to be honest to me, and I think they are. That's my impression at least.

Well, maybe your friend just couldn't handle it. I've seen coaches to this too. Sometimes they would ask me, "Can I give you a feedback back?", and when I agreed, I got good value from them, usually their observations and perspective, which I valued.

However, when I do have something honest to share with them, and even if they said yes to "Can I give you a feedback?", they get very defensive. Well, I guess not every one is open to be shown a mirror, eh?

Good one thanks @maverickfoo for info

An info that is very useful for a newbie like me. Thanks for sharing.

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