Yes, but why do we feel the need to do it? Is it because we are insecure with our selves we need that validation and approval so we share it? For me it was to see others conform with the idea i had in my head that i was undervalued, and i got confirmation of this. I suppose i was insecure about thinking i have accomplished great things because my seniors were not acting that way, so i turn to others to tell them what i had done and they would give me that praise instead. Which yes in essence is a positive thing, it made me feel good, that's what friends are for. But why are we doing it? Is it something else, is it mass conditioning that those who achieve the greatest feats get the most respect in the world? For example if i was cleaning the public toilets for my job, i highly doubt i would have sat down with my friends and told them all about how big the stains were in the toilet and how long it took to scrub. Do you see what i mean? I think the point here is to get us to examine why, we are doing it, because most of us are just on autopilot.
I do not think it is not a positive thing in the right context :)
I find that in private settings, when I am not bragging on myself to intentionally get the job or land the sale, I have to force myself to brag about my accomplishments. I tend to shy away from things that hint of "look how awesome I am" otherwise. I see it as a type of code switching. If bragging to a certain audience will get me the result I want, I can easily do it. However, if bragging does not come with a tangible reward (the job, the sale, etc.), I avoid it.
For example, graduation ceremonies are a public, showy way to say, "Look at me! I did it!" I avoid those types of things. I don't like the attention. And this is going to sound like bragging...but it's simple reality. I didn't go to my college graduation because college was easy for me. Finishing it, earning a degree, was not something that was hard fought and deserving of cheering and parties and congratulations. There was no underlying reason for me to invite a bunch of people to come witness me receive a degree. The degree was the reward by itself.
However, I couldn't exactly maintain close relationships without letting those people into my life enough to know that I had graduated. So when I mentioned it, and it was met with enthusiastic congratulations, I often reverted to my default, "oh, it wasn't a big deal. It was easy." So while that comes out like bragging, it's more of an attempt to deflect what feels like undeserved praise.
Now compare that to the job interview. I'm going to emphasize all the things that I was involved with while in school, I'm going to let them know how hard I worked on each and every class and impress them with my dedication and enthusiasm. I'll explain how much better I performed on assessments than my classmates and make sure they know that I'm the number one pick. It's a different language for each audience and it's all based on what I want out of the interaction. Rarely do I want praise or affirmation. I tend to be a confident individual, so my bragging is typically a calculated decision to share bits of my life with friends or to land the job.
Wow fairy play, i think you're a rare mindset in that case who does not feel the need for as much outside confirmation as most of us. Have you always been that way? I definitely have not always been aware if it or able to think about it. It's a much more recent development.
In line with what you are saying however, when i think back about the way i was behaving whilst working at my job as a manager, now i see it like this- the job it's self was the recognition that i could accomplish those tasks and was able to problem solve. I got promoted to that role, that was the recognition from the directors. Just like you said, the degree was the reward, not the praise at the graduation. I've asked my self well yeah you took a managers role, did you think it would be easy? that is why they have managers if everything was smooth running they wouldn't need one.
I've noticed the same type of behaviour across social media. There are lots of people doing charitable acts for those less fortunate then themselves, my self included. But i don't post about it across social media accounts. I don't see the need. There have been times where things like facebook have been used to turn the project into something bigger, for example making Christmas gift boxes for homeless people. If i had just told my friends about it, we would have had probably 10 pr 15 boxes to donate. But sharing that on facebook resulted in over 60 boxes being donated which was truly incredible. So on the one hand it's a powerful tool to bring people together and get the word out that something is going on, but there is also a trend of showing off or bragging about what you have done too. Although i don't suppose i care that if you bought a homless guy some lunch that you put it on facebook and got 100 likes. The homeless guy had some lunch today, that's what matters.
This post has turned into such an interesting conversation with a few different people. Thank you for taking the time to reply :)
I've always been very comfortable doing my own thing and going on my own journeys. I was never one who fit it, nor did I attempt to fit it. I am very slow to make friends, and I'm sure that my lowered need for validation is probably a part of that.
As far as social media goes... I don't even know where to start. There is such a culture of bragging and showing off that is perpetuated there. I have great difficulty understanding it, but there are many things I don't understand about the Internet still. For instance, why in the world would someone take a staged photo to pretend like they were in a place there didn't actually go? I recently read about a girl who pretended, via social media, to visit Paris or somewhere. Of course, she was found out. But I can't understand why someone would feel the need to pretend this in the first place.
As for the acts of charity, Facebook now asks you to "donate your birthday to charity." It's such an odd request... The vast majority of my Facebook friends wouldn't think of giving me a gift on my birthday. Why am I going to ask them for money for a charity instead of a non-existent gift? I think it goes back to the self-affirmation. The act of donating your birthday makes the birthday asker feel good, while the friend who wasn't going to give you anything anyway can now think more highly of the birthday person for being so generous. However, very little good is actually done for the charity. It's like a feedback loop.
And yes, real discussions and conversations like this one are gems. :-)
Yes, but why do we feel the need to do it? Is it because we are insecure with our selves we need that validation and approval so we share it? For me it was to see others conform with the idea i had in my head that i was undervalued, and i got confirmation of this. I suppose i was insecure about thinking i have accomplished great things because my seniors were not acting that way, so i turn to others to tell them what i had done and they would give me that praise instead. Which yes in essence is a positive thing, it made me feel good, that's what friends are for. But why are we doing it? Is it something else, is it mass conditioning that those who achieve the greatest feats get the most respect in the world? For example if i was cleaning the public toilets for my job, i highly doubt i would have sat down with my friends and told them all about how big the stains were in the toilet and how long it took to scrub. Do you see what i mean? I think the point here is to get us to examine why, we are doing it, because most of us are just on autopilot.
I do not think it is not a positive thing in the right context :)
I find that in private settings, when I am not bragging on myself to intentionally get the job or land the sale, I have to force myself to brag about my accomplishments. I tend to shy away from things that hint of "look how awesome I am" otherwise. I see it as a type of code switching. If bragging to a certain audience will get me the result I want, I can easily do it. However, if bragging does not come with a tangible reward (the job, the sale, etc.), I avoid it.
For example, graduation ceremonies are a public, showy way to say, "Look at me! I did it!" I avoid those types of things. I don't like the attention. And this is going to sound like bragging...but it's simple reality. I didn't go to my college graduation because college was easy for me. Finishing it, earning a degree, was not something that was hard fought and deserving of cheering and parties and congratulations. There was no underlying reason for me to invite a bunch of people to come witness me receive a degree. The degree was the reward by itself.
However, I couldn't exactly maintain close relationships without letting those people into my life enough to know that I had graduated. So when I mentioned it, and it was met with enthusiastic congratulations, I often reverted to my default, "oh, it wasn't a big deal. It was easy." So while that comes out like bragging, it's more of an attempt to deflect what feels like undeserved praise.
Now compare that to the job interview. I'm going to emphasize all the things that I was involved with while in school, I'm going to let them know how hard I worked on each and every class and impress them with my dedication and enthusiasm. I'll explain how much better I performed on assessments than my classmates and make sure they know that I'm the number one pick. It's a different language for each audience and it's all based on what I want out of the interaction. Rarely do I want praise or affirmation. I tend to be a confident individual, so my bragging is typically a calculated decision to share bits of my life with friends or to land the job.
Wow fairy play, i think you're a rare mindset in that case who does not feel the need for as much outside confirmation as most of us. Have you always been that way? I definitely have not always been aware if it or able to think about it. It's a much more recent development.
In line with what you are saying however, when i think back about the way i was behaving whilst working at my job as a manager, now i see it like this- the job it's self was the recognition that i could accomplish those tasks and was able to problem solve. I got promoted to that role, that was the recognition from the directors. Just like you said, the degree was the reward, not the praise at the graduation. I've asked my self well yeah you took a managers role, did you think it would be easy? that is why they have managers if everything was smooth running they wouldn't need one.
I've noticed the same type of behaviour across social media. There are lots of people doing charitable acts for those less fortunate then themselves, my self included. But i don't post about it across social media accounts. I don't see the need. There have been times where things like facebook have been used to turn the project into something bigger, for example making Christmas gift boxes for homeless people. If i had just told my friends about it, we would have had probably 10 pr 15 boxes to donate. But sharing that on facebook resulted in over 60 boxes being donated which was truly incredible. So on the one hand it's a powerful tool to bring people together and get the word out that something is going on, but there is also a trend of showing off or bragging about what you have done too. Although i don't suppose i care that if you bought a homless guy some lunch that you put it on facebook and got 100 likes. The homeless guy had some lunch today, that's what matters.
This post has turned into such an interesting conversation with a few different people. Thank you for taking the time to reply :)
I've always been very comfortable doing my own thing and going on my own journeys. I was never one who fit it, nor did I attempt to fit it. I am very slow to make friends, and I'm sure that my lowered need for validation is probably a part of that.
As far as social media goes... I don't even know where to start. There is such a culture of bragging and showing off that is perpetuated there. I have great difficulty understanding it, but there are many things I don't understand about the Internet still. For instance, why in the world would someone take a staged photo to pretend like they were in a place there didn't actually go? I recently read about a girl who pretended, via social media, to visit Paris or somewhere. Of course, she was found out. But I can't understand why someone would feel the need to pretend this in the first place.
As for the acts of charity, Facebook now asks you to "donate your birthday to charity." It's such an odd request... The vast majority of my Facebook friends wouldn't think of giving me a gift on my birthday. Why am I going to ask them for money for a charity instead of a non-existent gift? I think it goes back to the self-affirmation. The act of donating your birthday makes the birthday asker feel good, while the friend who wasn't going to give you anything anyway can now think more highly of the birthday person for being so generous. However, very little good is actually done for the charity. It's like a feedback loop.
And yes, real discussions and conversations like this one are gems. :-)