The embarrassment that is being a Jordan Peterson-fan boy

I have a pretty annoying history with Jordan Peterson. For a long, long while he was what he self would call my projected father figure and mode of reference. As long as what I said and acted was in line with Peterson’s 12 guiding rules (that I am assuming that everyone have heard about by now) then I was on my way of becoming a man. I felt empowered, my whole February felt like a constant growth experience as I started applying Jordan Peterson’s teachings in my real life. I can still feel the tingle in my body as I remember it. But now it feels mostly creepy to think of that I have ordered my fundamental moral hierarchy in accord with this one man. A man that I do not really like the look of anymore. So, what have changed?

What have changed?

The first thing I noticed, in a good ol' standard Jordan Peterson fashion, was how much I embodied him and how awkward it made me feel. I have always done so, so it’s nothing new. I have always been automatically mimicking my favorite heroes, in speech and in act, at least for a time while I let their teachings sink in. At the meanwhile I can just hope for that none will notice. But there was something extra embarrassing about mimicking Peterson. I will come back to that.

Then I started to discuss Peterson with my classmates and friends. There was always this feeling that I could not quite articulate, the profoundness of the growth he made me feel. That our conversation about this strange psychologist never quite reached the highs that I got from watching his lectures. Which made me feel guilt as I was failing my own ambitions. But that were also this other voice, in my other ear, constantly nagging me that something more was wrong here. And I could tell that some of my friends thought so too. Our enthusiasm was under a lid. I myself almost felt fooled, like I have looked past something that was hiding in plain sight. I had to fight the temptation to clarify after most of my sentences that I did not JUST say so because Peterson say so. But now I'm wondering how much truth there would have been in that.

We're so young

First we have the main reason that I think that a lot of people do not like Jordan Peterson- fan boys. We are just too damn young and self-righteous. We’re also nervous on top of that, otherwise we would have not been so profoundly affected by some of the more common sense rules of his. A lot us are losers that try not to be losers anymore. That is a very good thing. In fact I (and Jordan Peterson) would argue that there is no more noble pursue in life but self-betterment. But it’s embarrassing to come out as someone that needs to be taught to clean his/her room. Then it’s even more embarrassing when you vaguely hint at that your epiphany is this culmination of the accumulated knowledge from all of human western civilization. Man, I just learned that I should stop waste four hours each day masturbating to porn, oh and I have derived that from the philosophical teachings underlining the transcendental idealism of Schopenhauer, Nietzsche and Jung. You what? You haven’t even read anything close to these thinkers, you have just watched Jordan Peterson’s recent Q&A on YouTube. Get your head out of your ass!

I’m getting at the self-righteousness part of the equation here. When Jordan Peterson outlines that whole development of western civilization for us, with all the cool authors sprinkled in there like Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, while then following that up with some basic, very functional life hack, then it feels extremely good. You really want to embody that advice because it has touched you on so many levels. Ideally, pragmatically, historically and maybe even personally. But you should not go around and act so fucking deep and morally superior about it! It’s not like you have actually taken the time to read any of the stuff that Peterson is referencing. You are just 24 and you have just learned to have a daily routine, it’s understandable that you haven't had time enough to do any of that. So don’t act like it.

The thought that haunted me when I was discussing Jordan Peterson with my friends sounded something like this: “Oh, I have really became convinced by this one Canadian guy pretty uncritically. That might be a bad thing so better not act too convinced here.” And researching for this blog post I’ve noticed that I have actually taken in Peterson’s arguments in too uncritically. I admit, a lot of the times when I pushed play on one of his YouTube videos I felt like I was preparing myself too hear the Truth with a capital T. Which does not seem like that uncommon of a thing. It has been said millions of times over the year now but Peterson is an amazing lecturer, an extremely confident and intelligent guy. But he might also be deluding people in swallowing huge ideas too uncritically. And if that makes people improve their life, then it’s still fucking amazing! It’s the best thing you can do! But I do not like, for example, when Jordan Peterson fans that are in their 20s have swallowed the fact that the basis of our nature’s substrate is metaphorical, mystical, personal stories. Those bigger questions. Because you can’t just causally think that that makes sense. You have to be careful with this line of thinking, for taken to it’s extreme can take you too some horrific existential places and you do not have the proper, developed framework to handle it yet. You have just watched Jordan Peterson’s lecture on Jung on YouTube, don’t act like you have read Aion.

He's not a fucking prophet

Another thing that is bothersome with having Jordan Peterson as your idol lays at the heart of the problem of how vague some people think that he is. That criticism is mostly directed at Peterson’s mythological stance, and especially when he is applying that stance when it doesn’t seem to belong. It makes him seem like a sophist, makes you tune out every time he goes on a tangent about the importance of Yin and yang. Now I have actually think that I understand Jordan Peterson’s thinking pretty deeply, I have pondered his Darwinian conception of Truth, his view of the world as Order and Chaos and his whole deal with the Dominance Hierarchy and what it means in your daily life. I even made a blog post about that one. I actually think Peterson is his best when he’s showing his religious side. His theory is a clever, fresh take on human nature as we know it that can rewrite the cognitive mind scape off anyone. That is an extraordinary feat and I love it.

But as Peterson has worked out this world view, on his own, completely separate from some of the mainstreams axioms, he has built this pretty complex matrix of ideas. A matrix he is completely possessed by. You can see that in every debate, he is forcing his point of references in every situation. Lately this tendency have been gotten worse, as he has became a more confident speaker with what almost seems like millions of fans behind his back. He is so possessed by this greater analysis of his, especially when it comes to how ideas manifest themselves, that for people that has not read his book Map of Meaning he just comes of as delusional. And you can not even tell most of the time if he is just that, because he is constantly referencing how much he A) understand the literature B) using a larger set of framework, and you do not know what you are talking about.

That is just it. I actually do not think Jordan Peterson is as vague as some of his critics accuse him for. I think he lays out his framework pretty clearly most of the times The problem is that his matrix of Ideas is such an all encompassing thing that’s it’s like talking to a conspiracy theorist. Sometimes he’s just using absurd references that any other person would seem crazy to use (if not sexist) and then it just for he who he debates with to either try to interpret him, and there by risking misrepresenting him (which I think in part happened under the Cathy Newman interview), or just go with it. Because everyone know, and can feel, that Jordan will never change his mind, never let the other persons framework dictate the conversation and have a very hard time building up a reciprocal relationship with people. The best “discussion” that hes ever had according to his own words is the recent debate he had with Ben Shapiro on his Sunday Special show. But it is clearly not a debate at all. It feels exactly like one of his lectures, Jordan Peterson is just going on and on in the worlds longest running sentence while Ben is just nodding at every word. The one difference of opinion of Ben, that revolves around an alternative interpretation of the Bible, Jordan have to ignore because he have to “think it through”. I think that indicates how strapped in Peterson is in his own world and how hard it is for him to let people inside, and how much he likes it that way.

As a side note before I’m done I just have to give the critics some more credit. There seem to be something very fishy going on with his political outlook. His conception of the postmodernists and the left seem strangely one dimensional. I don’t want to go into that now, because that is frankly out of my depth, but I still did not want to that critic to slip by unnoticed. His raise to fame was strangely fueled by the Internet’s hate for the social justice warrior, in a way that does not seem that classy to me. Even if I think that that asshole Dyson that he was debating about Political Correctness seems like even more of a fucking jerk.

Where does that leave me?

Yeah, well, I don’t know. I have a love-hate relationship with Jordan Peterson. I think his ideas are super cool, he is an exciting new voice for the mainstream, opens up a lot of amazing questions. I especially like how he dares to talk about one of the biggest questions that I have about reality, the fact that so many people over history have seen and spoken to supernatural deities. That’s a hard discussion to have, especially because it’s a little embarrassing. But I think I have had enough of him for a while. I’ve had enough of Internet in general. There is so much easy access-thinking going on and Jordan Peterson is delivering deep answers to easily. It can corrupt your critical thinking if you just let YouTube skeptics be skeptical for you. My suspicion of Jordan Peterson fan boys is that we can’t make ourselves criticize him because he has made us to be better. Be better in the name of his whole matrix of ideas. That feels magical I know. But like I said, you can’t surf on that wave forever. It’s to embarrassing and it’s time for all of us to look at what this man is actually referencing too. It’s time to read the literature, like I think Jordan Peterson always have wanted us to do. Let us not be too brainwashed though, shall we?

That February when Peterson was my hero was a magical one though and it’s still here in my heart. But I the honeymoon is over. There is more debates to be had and the mood need to shift. Maybe into something more Everclear. https://open.spotify.com/track/6wVtG1jWMnLToDYiSamqwV