10 rules of dating a narcissistic sadist. Or masochist.

When trying to build a relationship, we occasionally bump into people who we love, but whose behavior we can’t either understand or explain. One of these types is the narcissistic sadist, who is at the same time a masochist. How can one person belong to both poles simultaneously? Very naturally.

To save space, we’ll denote narcissistic sadists/masochists as NSM. We will refer to this type of person as ‘he’ – but the same rules can be equally applied to women. Here are 10 rules that you must constantly keep in mind when dealing with an NSM.

1. Remember - you are not a person. NSM believes that there are only two or three persons in the world - well, maximum five. It is himself and someone from his closest circle (his mother or his childhood friend, for example). The rest are not people, not humans. He can do whatever he wants to them: hurt, lie, harm, offend… Offending you is not a sin - it's like offending a wooden chair.

2. Do not even try to understand the motives of their actions. NSMs live by the principle "We can’t get lost, since we don’t care of where we are going to." Although at first site you might not guess this is their main rule. They have almost no emotions. Their soul can be compared to a stiff leg, which one is sticking a needle into to make it feel at least something. NSMs are sticking their souls diligently with any needle they can invent, just to get any emotion.

3. He lives by the principle "the worse, the better." Crying is better than laughing. Loneliness is better than company. Is there a chance of running into a trouble? Cool, let's try to run into it - pretending not to understand what is going on. Negative emotions are better needles to stick than the positive ones.

4. No, he doesn’t have a bad memory. He simply doesn’t listen to what you say. Can you tell him anything valuable? No. He has his own kind of Zen. He prefers emptiness. He is not interested in details. He asks you questions just out of politeness, squeezing them out of himself. 

5. It’s not only the details he is not interested in – he isn't interested in anything at all. Neither does he need anyone. If he calls you at night and whispers how he is missing you – yes, he is missing. But not you – he has nothing to do and is missing just any entertainment. In the morning, re-reading the messages he sent you at night, he will be surprised to discover their content himself. 

6. He is so sadistic, he is ready to hurt himself – it’s here where his masochism is at its brightest. For example, he got to know that you are jealous. Just to vex you, he will start dating another girl, and then another, and then one more. He will try to make sure you know about it (preferably not from him, but from some other source, as if by chance). No, he doesn't get any pleasure from these dates. He gets almost no pleasure from anything he does, and he is too lazy to spend his time on non-persons (see paragraph 1). However, he will be eagerly suffering on a date – knowing that you are suffering too.

7. Do not praise him. Direct praise will make him feel distrust towards you. For example, you tell him: "You were so wonderful at karaoke last night!". He will translate it as: “You were going off pitch at every word”. To flatter him, ask for his expert advice instead: “Could you please listen to me singing and tell me your honest opinion on it?”. NSM will feel honoured.

8. He is a fatalist. He won’t mind dying right now. He lives just because he lives. He does not care about his health - because his masochistic side likes to suffer, and because the sadistic one can’t imagine life without cruelty, even in relation to himself.

9. He sincerely believes he is the most perfect man on earth - but because of his gloomy coquettishness prefers to disguise it as fictitious inferiority complex.

10. He is charming in his own way, it’s difficult to forget him. You broke up with him, and you drowning there in your solitude, trying to realize which traits and qualities of the NSM make you miss him. And it turns out there aren’t any. But somehow you still won’t be able to throw him out of your thoughts for a long time.

The question that arises naturally: why do NSMs try to build relationships at all? They don’t know. That’s just the way it goes.