How to crawl out of a ditch.. relationship wise

Hola amigos,

It's not like me to use this platform to release this information, let alone share with complete strangers what is going on in my personal life. However, I believe if I share, it might help others.

Today is Monday, July 16th, 2018

Rewind to Sunday, July 8, 2018....

My husband, whom I've been with almost 2 decades decided to have a conversation near his bed time (typical) and told me that he was done with me. The relationship. Everything.

precursor was me calling him out on a lie the night prior.
This is not for pity, or attention. I am simply writing this so that in the future, I can see how I climbed out of the ditch... yet again. I'm actually writing this because in the last 8 days, I have changed. This would not be the same post from a week ago.

Saturday, July 7, 2018
I find out a lie. I know this seems petty.... but this lie started in February. My girlfriend had been visiting and had some white clay for facials. So she left some for me, in a baggie. I put it beside my bedside table in a basket. I go to use it, and it can't find it. Now, of course I thought because of my brain injury, I thought I somehow lost or misplaced it.
Turns out he found 'it' and texted one of our 'closest' friends, claiming he found something and he thinks it might be Meth. I know that no one reading this knows me, so obviously you can be ambivalent. However, to have someone who has been with you for almost 20 years, texts someone else with this accusation....
So he tells me he found 'it' on Feb 4. It was SuperBowl Sunday.. boy did he get animated. The rest of the night was innuendos of random things, which he had our 15yr old participate in. Ohhh..... Monday morning rolls around and he texts me from work asking about what he found at my bedside basket. Turns out it's the Egyptian white clay for your face.

At that exact moment he had egg on his face. But alas, he was 'relieved' that it wasn't something more serious. How was he to know???? He claims he 'found it' on the 4th. I called him out on it and said it was missing prior. He suggested maybe our daughter took it from the bedroom. (Really???? you thought it might be a hard drug like meth and our daughter might have used it?) Back to the.... one of many lies. He told me he found it on the 4th of February. I found out a text was sent on February 1st. He didn't 'confront' until the 5th.

On Saturday July 7th, I confronted. I was gaslighted and ridiculed.

And on Sunday July 8, 2018.... after a long day of puttering and avoiding, he sits down up on the deck with his cervasa and many rye&gingerale he tells me he's done.

No accountability, no consequences … just done.
Then... goes to bed. (Slept like a baby, he did..... as usual)
Me... not so much...

So how has week been? It's only been a week and a day really.

Well.... if you had told me a week ago that you have the strength to overcome what I have to.... I would have told you, you are nuts...….. that it would take me a bit longer to climb back out of THAT DITCH!.

Amazingly, I'm ok.. right now.

I'm sorry I'm all over the map, it's just 18yrs that I'm trying to forget, because I have to. Apparently it's been a week so it's time to move on. Which would seem plausible to a narcissist.

Background on my TBI or fractured skull and severe concussion ….. 7 years ago, I was walking up the back steps to our house. It was steep and uneven. I was startled walking up and fell backwards about 20 feet, bouncing my way down on my back and cracked my head on the pavement at the bottom. We had a house full of 'friends' that rushed to me, carried me upstairs and put me to bed. The houseful of friends continued on with their night and my husband decided to have an affair with a coworker and friend in our childrens bedroom. Needless to say I was devastated, but somehow got over it. (He really is a NICE guy)

SO.... to this very day..... we're done because I caught him yet another lie.... and he's tired of being accountable. He just has to look hero enough for his kids.... at least the 2 of 4 he acknowledges. I'd love to write more tonight, but... not gonna happen. Sadly I just had to get this out and with my small circle of friends that are asleep lol... I will post tomorrow on how I'm doing this.

Because I really don't know anyone who can give advice about being a stay at home mom for over 20 years and giving yourself to family( and for someone to cut you off) I'll share more tomorrow about how I am able to so far, survive with a narcissist. Ok, most might think that's a strong word so let's go with..... not nice or empathic person? Be back tomorrow, I can't get it out all in one night...…. and No.... this isn't a bashing session if you haven't guessed. It's the only outlet I have.