Are you a Pushover?

I've been involved with many political campaigns in the past as an activist that I thought were completely necessary but discovered down the line that I was delusional because the person I was following just had an over inflated sense of self belief that was a magnetism to my sometimes pushover style of personality.

Certain personality types I've learned pull me in like a dog on a rope. I feel bound to them. One of the more prominent experiences of this personality type in a cult in South Africa ten years ago. There was a masculine dominant figure in this group. Other's of this type were anarchist 'leaders' living in squats or attempting to 'change the world.' All of them had difficulties with direct communication. I've learned it is impossible to communicate with some people because they don't allow it and by trying to do so in replacement of common sense an intricate web of justifications as to why their perspective is correct quickly clouds clear judgement. I'm often lost for words in conversations with these types of personalities. Sometimes my better judgement is clouded by a warm fuzzy feeling of being part of 'something good.' The best medicine for feeling like I'm falling down the rabbit hole is to isolate myself from the dominant person or group I am with at the time. After a period of a couple of weeks and spending time with other people, I can see again. It is so important to get away and get some perspective. It is important for someone like me to be involved in many different groups at one time to reference one from the other to have a clear picture of reality to work creating a steady platform for the mind.

Being a mimic/empath/chameleon/'pushover' has its perks but can certainly be difficult at times. It took me a long time to make sense of what I am and how to control it if I felt like I was becoming something I really didn't want to be. It helps me see into someone's soul by spending a little amount of personal time with them. To those that are open, I can share perspectives on them or their pursuits that can assist them to change. To those that aren't, I can be scape goated with problems in others I'm not meant to be able to see. It took me a long time to separate my own pain from that of others, which confused the situation greatly and now I take responsibility of my own pain. Which helps me to see what's 'out there'. I'm a lot better at this now than when I was 22. Ten years later, you'd hope I learned something.

Also it makes for making great music that adapts to the energy of the moment. I am a channel, constantly feeling the flow around me and guiding it into expression. There are days when I need to be completely alone. I feel like I am being swept away by the flow. But I'm happy I am me. I've come to terms with it.