That Subtle Fear of NOT Doing Something
Fear often comes packaged in two flavors:
- The fear of doing something
- The fear of NOT doing something
In my experience, the latter is much more subtle and pervasive.
Why? Because it's often laced in cultural norms.
The cultural values we hold often lead to inner mind statements such as "I should do this because [value]" or "I shouldn't do this because [value]."
Fear often challenges us to bring forth new value systems and discard the ones that no longer serve us.
This feels scary and uncomfortable because in this modern age, the fear of NOT doing something - more often than not - is an act of sacrificing integrity with society in exchange for integrity with self.
EXAMPLE: Your corporate job treats you like a machine, your boss is a sexist shithead, your salary is shit, and you feel a strong urge to leave your 9-5.
You desperately WANT to leave the job...and you WANT to throw down a grammy nominated monologue on your way out of that shithole, too.
But the fear of NOT showing up to work the next day (or even merely submitting that two weeks notice) is tremendously overwhelming.
Why? Likely because the fear is encouraging you to NOT be in integrity with the system that you've been living in.
It's encouraging you to sacrifice values held with others, for the values hidden with yourself.
On top of that, there's the fear of being broke, right? Yet another way in which you're challenged to break integrity with the system ("what if I'm late on my phone payments?"; or "I can't pay my student loans now").
We can go our entire lives avoiding NOT doing something.
I believe American culture teaches us to NOT fail. DON'T fuck up. DO NOT take unnecessary risks outside of the ones that are tested and proven.
This keeps us in integrity with a system that may or may not be in integrity with WHO WE REALLY ARE.
The sad truth is that many of us, including myself (for YEARS) sacrifice our integrity with self for our integrity with a system that is many more times than not, NOT serving us.
The moral of the story is this: fear is useful, especially when you face it. When it feels scary to do something. Just do it. When it feels scary to NOT do something, consider why that might be...
In what ways are your values conflicting? In what ways are you sacrificing integrity with yourself for integrity with a system? Who are you putting BEFORE yourself? Is it a job? A lover? A societal expectation?
If you're a badass, try NOT doing it for once. Test the water. Feel the pain. Take the leap. Fail. Fall fucking hard and see if it's as bad as you think it might be.
Because it's often NOT that bad... and sometimes, it's surprisingly delightful.
Life is short. It really fucking is. That being said, do yourself a favor and commit to who you really are.
You might find that another world is waiting... just beyond the atmospheric pressures of the former.
Good to see you getting active again!
Thank you @celestal! It's so nice to be back :)
Wow. I just randomly woke up (it's currently 0443 Monday morning here) from a particularly bad dream, so I popped outside for a smoke, and brougjt my phone out with me, and checked my feed. This was right at the top of ny feed, and it is exactly what I needed to read. Perfect timing for a return @axios. Mind blowing synchronicity. Welcome back.
Peace.
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Woah! @bobaphet I am so thrilled to hear that. Crazy how life works sometimes, eh? Delighted to see you here brother, I hope you are well :)
Nicely written! Fear is such an interesting emotion. I also wrote a post about it a few weeks ago. There is no recipe for a life without fear. And yes, it's often the reason for not doing something. So fear is something of a taboo. Certainly for men. We have equated fear with cowardice. What I am trying to do in the education of my own children is to learn from an early age that it is okay to be scared or angry. I sometimes hear parents say to their children that they don't have the right to cry or to get angry. Such emotions are often considered negative. It is a shame that we avoid them, that we do not want to talk about it. Everything starts in childhood. At a later age, it becomes more difficult to break behavior patterns. We have to break through the taboo surrounding fear, of the idea that fear equals cowardice. There will always be fear, but we can choose ourselves how we deal with it.
Well said @keysa, I fully agree. Emotional intelligence is such an important aspect of being human that modern day society seems to have lost touch with at some point. How I feel in relation to another - and being able to effectively communicate those feelings - is extremely important! As you said, it starts in childhood...and those same patterns (whether they are constructive or destructive) end up showing up in our leaders, politics, governing systems, etc. I pray that the leaders of the near future demonstrate authenticity, humility, and self-awareness. That's the kind of children I choose to raise and the type of world I choose to live in.
Amen to that
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When you not are doing everything, you're probably not doing anything bad! 🤔
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