Major FAIL....My IVF Story
2020 Started off with much excitement. Finally, after years of not falling pregnant I had convinced my husband to do IVF(ICSI) and I went in head strong thinking it would be the year that I would hold my second child. My daughter would be a big sister and my family would be complete. At that moment I did not even once consider that the whole process would not only end in failure, but it would also end in heartache and trauma...and depression!
They retrieved twenty-five eggs, seventeen were fertilised and only five mad it to the stage of a blastocyst. They froze my babies and said I would need to wait a cycle to be able to do a frozen embryo transfer as I had OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) due to over stimulation of meds.
Patiently I waited, and on the very next cycle I had one beautiful looking blastocyst transferred on the 3rd of March 2020. Ten days later I took a pregnancy test a there it was, a feint positive. Thrilled I messaged an photo to my sister and phoned my mom. The next day I went to do my blood test at the clinic...The results were in, "You are pregnant!" But your hcg count is low and that can be a cause for concern. Me being more positive back then thought nothing of it. Two days later I went in to test again. My hcg had doubled and even my Dr seemed positive that this was now a viable pregnancy.
March 26, 2020, South Africa went into complete lockdown due to the then new Coronavirus. Me being scared of isolation and the virus, decided to go stay with my family in Newcastle. On arrival I started to bleed. Not like a period. Heavier. Dark red, dripping, scary blood. I quickly made arrangements to see a local gynaecologist who then sent me to a radiologist, who could find nothing. Nothing! No sign of pregnancy in the uterus, meaning only one awful truth. I was expected to be experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.
One week later, I went in for a diagnostic laparoscopic operation. Together with my right fallopian tube I lost my baby. I remember coming out of theater and crying hysterically. A nurse tried to comfort me and after some time I stopped. The heartache never left though.
After losing my pregnancy, having major surgery, getting an infection from the surgery, going for another surgery and later a third DNC I never fell pregnant. All four transfers after that FAILED! It felt like a whole year of torture, loss and heartache. A whole year of doctor and hospital visits. A whole year of having cold metal shoved up my vagina, and NOTHING to show for it. The entire process cost over R280000. For NOTHING!
Wow! That all sounds sad. I am currently thinking to myself that it was okay for me to need to take a year off work to heal, for me to drink wine week nights, for me to cry quietly in the bathroom, even for me to up my anxiety medication.
All of it was hard. That being said, I am okay now. I am feeling better. I mourn my loss, yet at the same time am so thankful for all my many blessings. It was bad! It sucked! But it cannot and will not consume me. Until then, the next time some one asks me "Did you guys not want another child?" My only response will be a question, "Have you ever failed at something that was out of your control?"
