Hello Folks!

As you all know, I have been doing a lot these days and, yes, I am tired and, I might even fall asleep typing on my laptop. But before doing so, I just want to share my experiences these past few days.

Dealing with stress and failure are not my two main strengths. Simply because there is a social stigma attached to these things. Yes. I might seem to be very accepting. I might even be projecting a certain amount of confidence while I was writing the post. The thing is, I cannot deal with failure twice in two consecutive times without that much "time gap."

copyright by pixabay

I would like to view myself like a machine that needed to be "cooled" in order for me to function well. And, dealing with all the drama last week, plus another added bonus today would have taken me over the edge. Its not easy being me and, I am not going to deny that there was a time in my life that I got to the point that I was really contemplating suicide.

Let me just run some basic statistics:

In Australia, 65000 people attempt suicide each year. Suicide is also the main cause of death for people ages 15- 44 years of age. (this is the link folks: https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/suicide-self-harm/facts-about-suicide-in-australia)

Perhaps, one of my advantages was that I had been through a lot in my younger years and, the thought that I am a nurse by profession is also a plus because, I can recognize the early signs and symptoms and get the help I needed. It also helps that I am so interested on my self preservation aside from being innately talkative and curious person!

Because of the incident last week, I have decided to go and speak to a counselor because, I wanted to make sure that I am all right. Yes. its still part of my "self- preservation mode" but also, it is my duty to myself and to the people I love and who are around me to ensure that I am all right.

A wonderful lady I met on line said this to me: "most people do not want to commit suicide. They just want the pain to go away." That might be physical pain, psychological stress- whatever causes the pain (just a little side comment from the naughty side of me: if someone or something is causing you pain, wouldn't it be more logical or practical to eliminate the source and not you? Just saying...……. )

Ask for help

It does not really need to be a professional. It could be a friend, a colleague- someone who is willing to support and listen to you. in Australia, this is the suicide help hotline 131114. This is 24 hours/7 days a week thing. I haven't really tried calling them but, I do trust the person who gave me that number. And, this is the link to their website:

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinical-resources/suicide-self-harm/facts-about-suicide-in-australia

When I had those moments when I was contemplating dying, I was so petrified. I really did not expect that from me but when desperate times do come, I guess that it just happens. that is a risk that I do not really want to take so before it gets worst, I CALLED A FRIEND. It was a very expensive call because it was overseas but what that call did was reassure me that I am not alone. That I am normal. That I am undergoing so much stress and, yes. I do deserve a break.

Do something that makes you happy

Folks, I did not research this but, whenever I get upset, I do try to do something that makes me happy. That includes putting in something that looks like this:

(yeah, I do not really consider sheet masking as a special treat to myself- I mask every other day- but, its part of my self care and, it makes me feel confident flaunting my skin without any make ups!)

To crafting.

(not a surprising hobby for me folks but, I really do these things to

Spending time with friends.

To walking.

And, writing about it here. Well, I guess not everyone is comfortable doing this but I am.

Know when you needed help

Well, this is something that is difficult to recognize and depends from person to person. for me, anything that makes me uncomfortable, makes me obsess over it, upsets me, makes me go through ranges of emotions from hatred, anger to loneliness and anything in between and, I am not able to resolve it, I ask for help.

The key is knowing when to ask for help.

At the end of the day, I was able to cope up with life not necessarily because I have what it takes to do so. I believe that just like any other person out there, I do have those moments when I despair and feel that the world is closing in on me. I just want to add that exploring this part of my life here is difficult but, I guess the first thing I needed to do is to have that courage to raise my hand and say, me too- I had those moments!