Space project

I'm all for a relationship. And sex as well. It can be hard getting priorities straight. But after some thought I rather go for the 'long term solution'. Putting effort in getting laid is by no means any guarantee for getting results. I'm good looking and all, but miss the required killer instinct. I care way too much and that gets in the way. Women seem to feel that. Some actually told me they didn't want to indulge in a passing thing with me because I'm too nice. Heck, that even happened in a swingers' club once. And paying for sex is against my principles. I am happy with myself and don't want to change. So I'll manage masturbating. Also, I want deeper meaning, a real connection. Someone to cuddle and have long conversations with.

So I rather skip the quick sex option, because it will probably only delay me. My brand new bed will have to wait for some action then. The old mattress was used up and since I had the cash, I decided to make the move and buy a real waterbed. Oh man, it sleeps amazing! And also, it's been a while since I dreamt so good. I am so very happy with it. My son loves it as well. I rarely let him sleep with me, because he tosses so much in his sleep. But he absolutely loves it when we play on it. He cannot stop laughing when I throw him in the air onto it. So much fun. As for a new relation, I signed up for three dating sites and Tinder. I used my credit card for them as well. Not sure if it actually helps, but at least it feels good: I'm motivated. Heck, let's aim for two relations while I'm at it.

It didn't take long to receive a flirt. So I look at her profile and cannot help it; bad grammar and she smokes. Because I paid, I am able to write her. So I do that to thank for her flirt and let her know that smoking is a no-go for me. Eleven weeks later, she messages me back. She stopped smoking and is wondering if I am willing to get to know each other. Well okay then. Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Although her 'defense' about smoking is dodgy to say the least. "Because of medicinal use." Marijuana...gulp! Also it is January 1st, putting the "stopped smoking" part into different light. In any case, after giving her my phone number she messages me and tells me her name, which is the same as for a space project. We chat a bit about our children and she sends me a bunch of pictures. Looking good!

We chat for a few days and it is pleasant. Just two small things that I don't get. She keeps referring to "Sant mat", as if I'm missing out. But I never was and never will be interested in any religion or even a lifestyle resembling religion. Also she and her boyfriend have been trying for three years for a baby. She has two children from a previous relationship and isn't all that old. So three years almost feels like sabotage to me. When I ask about getting tested she says that he doesn't want to go. I'm probably way off here, but I think she'll be pregnant in no time if we were to have unprotected sex. That's assuming a lot though. We agree to meet up. Let's start there and take it slow...

Miss Space project wants to go for a walk in the nature and to me it feels that that is the only viable option for her. We agree to walk in the nearby grasslands while her boyfriend looks after her six year old son and I'm taking my son in the baby wrap. He usually falls asleep in it and as we both love kids and it is nice to combine things. We talk about many things. Her fibromyalgia, something I had to Google. Because of it she has pain and limited energy. My tinitus, which is annoying (blatant understatement) and also sucks a fair amount of energy out of me. Her daughter, who lives with her ex and has autism. So her children do not live in the same house, as is the case with my kids.

She asks me what type of poly I am. Hold on, isn't poly a type and do we really need sub-types? I am kinda clueless here and use the "respond with a question instead of an answer" strategy. I've know I'm poly for a long time. But before now I've never actually looked into it. Feels a bit like finding out what 'type' of humans I should find attractive because I am straight. No need 'cause I already know: women! With poly it never actually dawned to me that there are (sub-)types. If I fall in love whilst already having a relation; communicate with all parties and see what's possible. Right? Well, that has always been my take. Not that it ever 'worked' for me mind you. All my exes are mono and didn't take well on it. So I never had more than one relation at a time.

She doesn't like polyamorists that define their partners as primary and secondary. For her, all her partners are equal, no matter how often she meets up with them. This is a trigger for me. In my head I always try to think of what people actually mean as opposed to what they tell me. Here "all her partners" can mean several things and in order to find out I simply ask her how many partners she currently has. She tells me that the word "partner" is weird to her and rather uses "friend". She has her boyfriend, who she sees daily. Then a bunch of friends that she sees with different intervals, including one woman who she sees about twice a year. At this point I'm nodding and uh-huh-ing, whilst my brain is attempting to 'get it' but fails. Isn't her boyfriend primary and all the others secondary? Even if you don't label it as such, surely the difference is obvious? Also, her personal view on polyamory sounds more like an open relation to me.

Let's try another subject: Work. Miss Space project is a writer. Wait, what; Really? Both her profile on the dating site and her messages are full of little mistakes. Surely Apparently she is not earning too much thus is also exploring web development and computer programming. M'kay. Back to nodding and uh-huh-ing for a bit. I tell her what I do and ask her if she plays board games. She used to with her ex, but no more. We walk back to her car and I ask her if she wants to come to my place for some tea. She is nice and not a match for a relation, but maybe we can be friends. And with friends I am referring to her definition of course.

We have tea and talk some more. Out of the baby wrap, my son woke up and they are interacting quite nicely. Miss Space project is good with children. I am starting to like it and see potential. Maybe meet up once a month or so. Unfortunately she has to go home. We say goodbye and hug. I'm left with a mix of feelings and am not sure yet what to make of it all. Four hours later she messages me that she had a good time and probably will want to go for a walk with me again. I reply, saying that I liked it too and we'll keep in touch to do just that. A few hours later she messages me again. That was quick! However, with a lot of words she tells me that she thinks we will be good friends, but no further than hugging.

This is kinda weird. Almost like being thrown out of a library for wanting to read a book: "No, you may only look at the covers." I distinctly do not have the impression that she was boasting about having so many different 'friends' who she has 'connections' with. Not sure if I running that through Google translate into some foreign language and back would yield: "She has many different lovers who she has sex with." But that (at least from my perspective) is the case here. Was I too nice? I write her back that I want more, but am not in any kind of hurry. I deliberately leave it at that, as not to make her feel pressurized.

One week later miss Space project messages me another whole bunch of words. A lot of positive sentences in order to draw attention from the bottom line: She doesn't want me as a friend (read: lover). Too bad, but fine to me. What strikes me though is that she started with "Hey how are you doing?" and ended with "PS I'm going to block you. I think it's better." That gets to me. I am a gent and not a stalker or some weirdo. I'd probably reply with "Ok, no problem." and forget her. Also, I simply do not like it when people ask me "How are you doing?" merely as a social interaction. What is wrong with "Hello"? For me, I'm going to try to keep my feet on the ground and go for a relation as planned. To be continued...