Freaky Fridays
It's Friday!!!
What does that mean? I'll be sharing some very personal stuff. I intend on making my Friday weekly content based off of my polyamorous relationships and opinions. You'll find that I'll be sharing experiences with emotions, dates, and sexual encounters. I hope this part of my blog takes the stigma out of the sexual conversations we as evolved humans should be talking about.
WARNING
I have heard from some of my peers that I might have a few more conservative people coming across my page. I'll make sure to warn you guys up front. HEADS UP, I will be using profanity in these posts. HA. HA. HA. I will be using the words like slut and fuck frequently.
Slut?
To me, slut is going to reflect a positive sexual lifestyle instead of shaming sexual promiscuity. I will be using fuck as a verb, not as an adjective, adverb or a noun. So don't worry it will be tasteful.
Polyamory?
The Oxford Dictionaries define polyamory as, "The practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved." For me, it's so much more than sexual relationships. I love caring about the people I choose to be sexual with because sometimes when you have a deeper connection with your partner, sex can be more satisfying.
Influences
One of the most influential podcasts that I have come across as an open slut is THE GUYS WE FUCKED. They are two comedians based out of New York. Not only do they talk about controversial topics but they keep it real. These girls are so down to earth, and they have such ethical mindsets as they that talk about sex for all to hear. Check them out at "Sorry about last night" the anti-slut shaming podcast.
I have also started reading a book called The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy. The love of my life suggested I read it. He said that a lot of what they talk about where things that I already practice. So I was excited to dive into it. I'm not done reading it. I'm on chapter 23, and I think it's great. Check it out.
Good article, I think People should not be so uptight about Sex, and Sexual things as they are a natural part of the Human being.
Right! I love talking about sex!
Thx Dr.T :)
That's Ms. Dr. T to you MF! lol JK thank you! lol
I have read The Ethical Slut. Good book.
Yea it is! I'm almost done with it!
How do you balance the deeper connections you make with others? In responding to someone else’s comment, you mention that you feel jealously, and that it’s healthy. Why is it healthy? Is it the managing of jealousy, desires, etc.? Or something else?
And, what do you do when someone you feel a connection with wants to be more exclusive (or does that happen only rarely)?
Not going to lie, keeping a deep connection with multiple people takes a lot of effort and scheduling. I have recently labeled one of my relationships as my primary. This relationship, in particular, is one I want to hold on to as long as I can and this is the one I put the most effort into. We have been fucking for over 12 years on and off. The time we spend apart is tough but every time we see each other it's like no time has passed. I feel like that's how all relationship should be. I have lovers that I see every month and some I see 3 or 4 times a year. It's just keeping an open form of communication and letting everyone know that you care.
Jealousy drives from desire, selfishness and having a sense of possession. If you can step back and ask yourself why you're jealous, you can look at it in a more logical sense. Awhile ago he was telling me about some girls tight pussy and in my head, I'm saying, "is he telling me this because of he likes her pussy more than mine or is it because he's trying to tell me to tighten mine up". But in all actuality, he's just sharing an experience, He's telling me about something he's enjoying and all I want is for him to be happy. It doesn't matter if it's with or without me. I love him to a ridiculous amount and why would I hold him back from pleasure or love. If someone could love him better than me...wow....holy moly lol get it! I think he's such an amazing person, he has a kick-ass personality, a gorgeous body, and he's intelligent, and I want to share him with the world. It would be a shame to keep this man to myself...people need to know about his guy lol. That's how I see him.
Gotcha. I don’t think I could do that, to be honest. I’m married, and love my wife to the ends of the universe...but at the same time, I often feel attracted to other women (a natural thing). I never take it further than friendship, but maintaining a connection with a female outside of my marriage often seems like more work than it is with my wife. I could probably be accused of an “emotional affair” or two, but in the end I always end up realizing it was more lust than anything else, and I push the other person away.
The one connection I did have that could have led to something was with a female friend I’d had for a while before I met my wife. When I started dating my wife, this friend suddenly started coming on to me (after years of keeping me in the friend zone). She would regularly tease me, ask me if I ever thought about having sex with her. I was honest, and said I did (jacked off all the time to thoughts of her). Long story short, maintaining that kind of connection was too difficult. And my wife sensed that my attention was divided.
There’s some other stuff that happened that led to me needing to sever most ties to her. But, I still think about that other girl from time to time. If she were to come to my neck of the woods, I can’t say I would be able to resist temptation (does that make me evil?).
The truth is that I used to think I was aspirationally polyamorous...but really, I was just incredibly horny. I need the deep, committed connection with one person. I could probably maintain one outside. But eventually, I’d screw up one, or the other, or both...and end up alone.
Monogamy is a beautiful thing. There is no wrong way to love and if needing one person to love you and only you unconditionally that's perfect and just how it needs to be for your life.
But there's nothing wrong with being incredibly horny. I'm horny 90% of the time and am always thinking of sex. I find the way people approach me in the bedroom, is the same way they approach me in real life. If I can dominate a man in conversation chances are they will let me dominate them in bed. If my partner is willing to try new thing, communicate to me what they want, or even teach me something they like for me to do. These partners are my favorite and I typically will continue to keep relations with them. If you time to time still think about this other girl, you should probably ask yourself what's lacking in the relationship you're in. What about your relationship is making you think about someone else. I'm sure if you vowed to spend the rest of your life with another person and they did the same. Your wife will probably be willing to do anything for you.
It was definitely her body type that was making me think about others. I was the kind of guy who had dated women with average breasts, and made out with a Thai-American girl whose tits were as big as basketballs. My first Korean girlfriend was way out of my league at the time, had a rockin’ body - great shape, great chest. I definitely judged partners by their body more than their personality, for far too long.
When I fell in love with my wife, I was fooled by her bra - the first time we fucked, she took off her bra and said, “You want me to get surgery, don’t you?” She was almost flat-chested. By that point, though, I was already deeply in love with her (we’d talked a LOT before actually getting together), and said, “Nah.”
To this day, I tell her I don’t want her to get surgery when she brings up the subject (and plastic surgery in Korea is so common that it’s not really that taboo of a topic). But, I was definitely having issues with being attracted to this or that woman with even slightly larger breasts...because I remembered what I was missing.
(One advantage of getting married? The bachelor party that ended at a strip club...and a little private time in the VIP back room...Nuff said!)
Little by little, though, I’ve really come to appreciate her body as a whole. I mean, she always had a great body line. Adorable facial features. Nice ass. It was just the chest. And, while I definitely still struggle and definitely fantasize, I incorporate less of that into sex.
I still often fantasize to climax, but the way I see it, she doesn’t know that, and doesn’t need to. If she thinks I’m cumming because of her, well...+/- 85% of it is because of her. She’s happy (and always satisfied), and I’m happy and satisfied. So, things are better than they used to be.
If plastic surgery isn’t that weird of a topic and she suggests getting fake tits. Why not let her get them? Sounds like it would make her have more selfasteem and it sounds like you’d like too
Well, the thing with her is that it feels like she’s fishing for approval for who she is...which I am only too happy to give. Before we met, her grandmother once gave her money for surgery, and she used it to buy a new MacBook Pro instead (she’s a graphic designer). I love her for stuff like that. I would be pleased, sure, but at the same time...I did fall in love with her as she is.
If one day, she mentions it and then truly pushes it, I won’t stand in her way (I have told her that if she wants it, I won’t be upset at all!). It’s really not up to me, though; she could start the process tomorrow if she decided to. While she’s got a complex about her chest, I think she also feels secure enough with me that she dismisses the idea herself.
You guys are to cute! Well, looking forward to getting more commentary from you! Good luck and feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk😊
And about being exclusive. When I start my relationships one of the main things I talk about is what my intentions are. I let them know what my lifestyle is like and how I plan on living it. If my relations develop and someone wants to me monogamous that's something that needs to be addressed as delicately as possible. Understanding why my partner feels this way, making sure they feel safe and loved. And if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out.
As you might have seen from my other comment, I’m monogamous but, damn, do I feel constricted by commitment sometimes. Being faithful is a lot of work, and honestly (sometimes) involves a lot of fantasizing in the bedroom. It doesn’t help that my wife is the more traditional type - Korean, not religious, just old-fashioned - so our sex life is, ah, not as exciting as it was with some of my exes.
I would think a lot of guys would be able to deal with the lifestyle of a woman like you. Then again, some of us have the emotional self-control and development of a child, and we fall in love without much effort!
I come from a strong Phillipino background and I am aware of a traditional Asian wife. My mother is that way and my parents raised me to be that way as well. And that's how I got into my first marriage. Seeing a handsome man that can provide for me with a strong family to keep us together, seemed perfect. But it wasn't. I know who I am and I was throwing my wants and needs aside just for the sake of the tradition and to being together. Even my best friend was telling me I wasn't myself ever since I was with him.
I tried to introduce an open relationship not for me (i opened it up for him to find other partners since I like women too) but for him, We tried to make it work but he's a one-woman kind of man and made me feel ridiculous for wanting another woman to please him. "Why is it so bad that I just want to love my wife." Needless to say, it didn't work out. We decided that we couldn't make each other happy and we vowed to love each other forever. So we knew that we had to separate and that eventually, we both would find someone out there that can give us what we need. I know he's going to make a wonderful husband to someone, just not me. I've found my place and it isn't getting married to one person. Well, that's my mindset right now. Who knows I might change my mind in 20 years...lol
Maybe you and your wife can help find each other sexuallyy. Talk to her, ask her what she likes. I'm sure if you take baby steps into evolving your sexual relationship with your wife she'd be willing to try it and tell you whether or not she's into it. Maybe slowly started sparking more romance and then throwing some kinkiness in there as well. More PDA or secret kisses dark corners of restaurants or places you go for an outing, then maybe more direction in bed. Telling her things you want to try. I'm sure if she's the submissive type and you are the dominant male, she might find it attractive that you boss her around in bed. I don't know your relationship or your wife but I do know that the key to an amazing relationship whether or not it's professional, emotional, or sexual, is open communication.
Luckily, we do communicate quite openly and more so than that, I’ve made an effort in recent months to not let other things - or people - distract me from her. And the funny thing is that I fantasize less than I used to. I think, maybe, part of it was the way I was struggling to adapt to the confines of “married life” expectations...and I have slowly been accepting the reality that I am the sort of person who needs boundaries.
But, I am also like the neighborhood cats, who need to bound around outside once in a while. Funny thing, too, is that while my wife is definitely more traditional...she’s far less traditional than she was when we first met in Korea. Life in America, away from her parents, has helped her blossom. She’s definitely more open to my sexual proclivities and appetite than she used to be, though we’ve a ways to go.
One thing is for sure: Married life isn’t perfect, but I am happier than I was when I didn’t know who - if anyone - I would be going to bed with each night. I didn’t get married until I was ready for it (I’m 37 now, was 36 when we got married). I was once engaged to a girl from France, while living in Israel, at age 23. I definitely know I would’ve gotten divorced from her - we fought as often as we fucked, and the sex wasn’t good enough to make up for all the other shit.
I’m glad to hear communications is working and that you’re taking it slow. She sounds like a wonderful woman and it’s amazing how you have givin her this new life style where she can grow. You sound pretty cool. Lol
I wish I would have waited to get married till after I was 30 (That was the only advice my brother gave me and I totally disregarded it) or till I understood myself a bit more. It sounds like you made some pretty solid decisions in your life.
Feel free to check out my Polly post again. I really enjoyed your feedback.
I tell ya, it took a lot of trial and error for me to get this way. It’s wisdom I wish I’d been born with, but experience has been a good-enough teacher instead. I had a pretty good example in my Dad and Stepmom’s relationship, too. That gave me a standard to aspire to.
And, she is truly a wonderful woman, my wife. Changed me in ways measurable and immeasurable. Loves me the way I always wished I would be loved. We are perfectly imperfect for each other!
I’ll definitely check it out again. I’ve enjoyed this, too!
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Thanks, Stephen hawkin....lol. @tts love it, thank you.
Is the appeal of polyamory because you imagine yourself being a curious collector of sorts and seek out what makes an individual person tick? Everyone is unique, and in doing are you actively trying to collect that?
Curious collector, I love the thought of being a collector but it's not about that. I have found within myself, that my love has no bounds. I have recently had trials that have challenged my boundaries but when I fully love a person there are none. And being polyamorous makes it more of a selfless form of love to my partners. Being able to feel jealousy and knowing that it's healthy whether it's to my benefit or not. I could go on for hours. But I'll post on my relations in a later post.
Can guys be sluts too? When I say sluts, I mean it in the way you described as an active sex life. And sex is a combination of like a Basketball Court and an Art Gallery. It is the personification of art itself merged with tangible music. In some ways, sex is the closest you can get to actually touching music itself. And it moves you in so many ways.
I call guys sluts all the time, lol. I don't really get the basketball court reference because I wasn't too into sports growing up but. "Sex it the closes you can get to actually touching music" I love that. I don't always listen to music when I have sex but it kind of brings the love of music into a full circle. Enjoying music and another person's body is a great way to engage in all of your scenes at once creating an unforgettable time.... with the right music and person lol
Music is an emotional language, or maybe even a spiritual language. Music bypasses the brain. Sex is a spiritual language too that is beyond intellectual pursuit. Sex is a gateway into something deeper. And like I said before, sex is like sports for the physical part of it but sex is also like art, or like music, because it is an experience that touches the heart like nothing else can maybe.
Beautifully said.
i wish i could be guy slut...!!! cheers:-)
You can be! What’s holding you back?
i can not be that by myself. I need girls for that.....who will take me? :-( Nothing holding me back and supporting to move forward.
Oh darling, yes you can. I don't need a woman or a man to make me feel like a slut. I know that I ooze with sexuality and just because I could have sex with the people that approach me doesn't mean I do it every time. I had to really understand myself and not so shame my dirty mind and mouth when it came to sex. In the past, I have gone months without having a partner but I would make sweet love to myself. I'd take myself out to dinner and clean up and masturbate so slow it would be impossible for me to move without cumming. Self love is sooooo healthy. Fuck yourself and love it. Other people will start to see how happy you are and they want what you have.
i also don't feel shame and really don't want to feel shame for my mind......for me, sex is the expression of pure love and i really don't feel shame with my feelings. but people around me making me bound to feel that i am dirty....my intention is wrong.....i should feel shameful....may be for them i am just like a lower life animal...:-(. Yes you are right, self love is very important and good. but i didn't practice that so much in my life.....and i am a male. female body are very artistic...well decorated....beautiful....poetic....romantic and so on.....there are so many things are there to feel and discover in a female body!!! but nothing or you can say not that much in male body......i just have a fucking dick that get hard and very annoying if not calm down when it is hard. anyways thanks for your feelings and care dear....-:)
Hey, Shajibhec.... or Nick, was it?
I don't want to beat a dead horse....lol
BUT.....
Sex is a very primal animalistic action. I don't understand why most people are so conservative and if anyone is "making me bound to feel that...." Tell them to fuck off... lol. These are our instincts and what comes naturally to us as humans. The desire for pleasure and an appreciation for the human body. Sure the female body is beautiful, but I love the men's body more than the females. I love strong and rough a man can be, everything from a hairy chest to that "annoying if not calm down" dick. I love cock! Just thinking about male parts gets my blood pumping, so don't down-play one of the fastest things to get my pussy wet. Men are beautiful creatures ....maybe not all people think the way I do but I couldn't live a happy life without one.
Shajib is my name and HEC is the organization that I work for. Yes you are right. Sex is a very basic and common thing and most of the people just act like this that they never did it or "doing sex" is bad!!! You love men's body cause you are woman dear. and i do live women's body.....and only women's body. i don't know but i don't like men's body. lots of parts are there to touch, play, kiss and so on in a female body.....feelings go high thinking about to play with a female body, making it aroused by and for enjoying every single touch and calm down it fully......very highly poetic and artistic. Yes, both men and women are beautiful creature. I really appreciate your thoughts.
Que bien y que buena aventura este post, te felicito, soy dibujante y me anime a dibujar a Reina de los pinups Betty Page, como un pequeño homenaje, soy su admirador, saludos y divierte mucho los viernes.
¡¡Oh Dios mío!! Es agradable conocer a alguien que pueda admirarla como yo. Ella era una mujer hermosa y estoy agradecida de que lea mi publicación. Estoy deseando saber de usted en el futuro.