Stop calling her "Hillary!"

Attention: Planet Earth!

Halt!

Stop!

Cease and desist!

Under no circumstances should Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton be referred to simply as "Hillary!"

She is not worthy of a one-word appellation.

She is not a (formerly) talented entertainer such as Cher or Madonna.

She is not a sports legend like Pele.

She is not a skinny fashion model such as Twiggy or Iman.

She is certainly not a deep-thinker like Voltaire.

She is not royalty like Diana.

She is not even named after Sir Edmund Hillary, though she has often repeated that fairytale fantasy.

Nor should she even be referred to as "Secretary Clinton." I would have infinitely more respect for her if she was an actual working secretary. You know, the kind that used to make coffee for the boss, do shorthand and take dictation. (Yes, I know that some of you who have grown up in the digital age of DVRs, iPods and Steem don't know what "shorthand" and "dictation" mean, but trust me, they are not what Monica Lewinsky excelled at.)

"Isn't it time we elected a woman president?," she continually asks.

Personally, I'm all in favor of a woman president - just not that woman!

She is a corrupt, career politician who has lied with impunity all her life as she worked the system all the way to the White House and now to her own Democratic Party presidential nomination.

She is a hypocritical, delusional megalomaniac.

Let us all now pause for a moment of prayer to God, Buddha, Shiva, Allah, Mother Nature, Mickey Mouse, or whichever Higher Authority that suits your psyche, that we never have to call her "Madam President."