Trump Issues Shark Warning at Las Vegas Rally
In the middle of his recent Las Vegas speech, Donald Trump went into a bizarre rant about the horrors of electric battery-powered boats, claiming that the weight of the battery would sink the boat, and everyone on board would be electrocuted in the water. He then went off on a related rant about how if sharks were in the water around where the boat sank, liberal scientists would support the sharks eating the boat’s passengers. He added that if he were on a boat that sank because its battery was too heavy, and that boat was sending out deadly electricity through the water, but there were also hungry sharks in the water, he would choose to die by electric shock rather than getting eaten by sharks. He then informed the crowd that it was his “MIT connections” that made it possible for him to ponder such intelligent questions.
Oh my, “Trump the Science Guy” strikes again! I mean, who could have known that Trump already had a thoroughly thought-out foreign policy position on sharks? All I can say is, that was really some rant there, Mr. Trump! Frankly, its rants like this that make me wonder if Donald Trump has ever been tested for rabies. Either that or maybe RFK Jr’s “brain worm” has decided to move on to “oranger pastures?”
Now, if I’m fully understanding Mr. Trump’s position on this correctly, I believe it could be summarized by saying, “We need to end all government promotions for electric cars, trucks, and boats - because they pose too great of a threat for shark attacks. And the primary reason these angry sharks have been so successful launching attacks on people of late is because of Joe Biden’s liberal policies on sharks.” Hey, I have a great idea - have the Trump campaign adopt the “Jaws soundtrack” as its theme song.
Well, one thing’s for sure: Trump definitely picked the right place to warn folks about the danger of shark attacks - right smack in the middle of the Nevada desert, where the danger of MAGAs getting eaten by a shark is extremely high. Even so, when it comes to electric shock, I think Trump really doesn’t need to worry all that much, given the insanity of his rants proves he’s obviously not very well “grounded” anyway.
Besides, I think getting electrocuted or eaten by sharks is about the last thing Trump would worry about if his boat sank. Why, what he’d really be afraid of would be getting his hair wet, which would totally destroy that fancy combover of his, not to mention it’d dissolve all that orange makeup he loves so well. Makes you wonder, just what kind of person would actually vote for Felonius Trump? To answer that, all you really need to know is that brain-eating zombies would completely starve to death at any of his rallies. And while its certainly true that both candidates are old, its important to remember that only one of them is “both old - and insane.”