The 5 Types Of Poker Players - SPL Quickie

Who's At Your Table?

Our very own Tuck Fheman used to host a weekly poker game back in the day. He had everything one would need for hosting a bad ass fucking home game. Including: professional table, automatic shuffler (that fucker was expensive), 100% casino quality playing cards, and a plethora of unique players to say the least. Our game of choice was 1/2 NL holdem, buy was $200 max. We would have some wild nights of poker, with some players cashing out as high as $700. Definitely not a game for the faint of heart.

The Poker action aside, my favorite aspect of Tuck's game were the people who walked through the door. We had all sorts of characters sit down at that table. Moms, dads, broke people, rich people, drugged out people, drunk ass people, poker shark people, brainless people, and believe it or not, even murdering people (allegedly).

The 5 Types Of Players

• Drunk Donk - This is the guy who feels society owes him something for being a douche. Mind you he hasn't done much to be owed anything. He comes to the game, gets totally sloshed, and donks away stack after stack. Although, as we all know, even a dog gets his ass shined on from time to time. So on exceptionally lucky evenings, he would drunk donk his way to hundreds in profit.

• Pilled Out Zombie - Now arguably, this was the most entertaining person to have at your poker game. Although rather sad, considering these type of people were obviously trying to fill some void in their life with the use of barbiturates. These type of people would come to the game, pop a few pills, and proceed to zombie out as they donked away chips. At times they would literally fall into a semi-conscious daze and would have to be rattled awake. They had absolutely no business at a poker table, let alone for stakes such as ours. But hey, they were great as chip faucets.

• Roided Out Psycho - This is the person who showed up, juiced to the max, ready to fight anyone who looked at them directly. They were just angry and pissed off at the world, and wanted you to know about it. They saw a reraise as a personal attack, and would most certainly push all in trying to intimidate you. This kind of person was a little scary to deal with as a human. But as a poker player, they had no skills what so ever, and were extremely easy to put into tilt mode.

• Quiet Shark - This is the type of player you did NOT want to bump onions with. They were there for one thing, and one thing only...to take all your monies. They did not allow themselves to get caught up with the other characters at the table. They simply played their cut throat brand of poker. If this person has chips in the pot, you better have a monster.

• Away From Wife Donk - My very favorite type of player. The guy who comes to the game because they really just want somewhere to go where their wife won't follow. They were what we in the biz call, "dead money". It was quite a unique site to see someone come in, have a couple of drinks, a few tacos, and casually donk of $200. And when it was all over, they would thank you and leave quietly...usually with a smile on their face.

-- Who would you want sitting at your table? --

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Thank you for joining us this morning for a little light-hearted poker talk. Don't forget to join us this evening for some freeroll action.

What: 20 SBD Freeroll
When: Tonight @ 7:00PM Central / 8:00PM Eastern

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