Kindergarten Black Ops Mission: Spiderman

Tldr: Charizard saved me from jailtime.

It's hard to explain what life is like with kids, to those who don't have any. Or, what It's like having five, to people with one or two (or as I call it 'the old days'), or even how someone dealing with the terrible two's has no idea how easy it is compared with the same child at four. I offer a laughsnort to those parents.

First off: no one plans to have five kids. Don't ask. It's impolite. And B) you do not have a limited amount of love, to be divided up into smaller peices as each new child comes along.

Time? Yes. Love? No. That's infinite.

Sometimes you need to remind yourself of that of course, but it will never diminish. I had to do just that yesterday. My experiences yesterday were completely surreal, to the point that it was so absolutely.. astonishing to me that I didn't take it that seriously. Which probably saved me from jail time, if I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to say it was shock. But it was utter disbelief.

I had the police called on me for B&E.

This is the story, how the police were told: I took a ladder (that was propped against the pole my laundry line is attached to) placed it against a second story window, and used it to climb up, broke into the window using a knife, went inside, stole a kid's spiderman shirt, went through the apartment, stopped in the laundry room to steal the laundry soap, and do a load of my laundry that I had brought with me, and then used the knife to unlock the front door and get out and relock the door behind me. Between 2pm and 3 pm Tuesday afternoon. And this was based on a recording of my four year old son telling them this story, because he went with me.

...I wish I was that badass. :D

I have no idea why these people targeted me like this, but it wasn't well thought through. I'm guessing mental instability, or drug use.

ANYways, I was able to prove I had left my house nine am to take my daughter to have wisdom teeth removed by calling the dentist's office. I was able to prove that we spent the morning shopping and went to lunch via the text alerts I get for my prepaid credit card (e.g. AUTH. AMMT. in 15.98$ @ Tim Hortons 12:45 pm).

Well what about the afternoon?

My daughter, genius that she is, grabbed my phone, hit a few buttons, and pulled some kind of google map of the town, showing our entire route. Which by the way, looked like a drunken stumble all over the place. We crossed the river three times. And not using bridges. From one pm to almost 5 pm, we went in crazy circles all over a very small town.

Pokemon Go was my alibi.

Truth is stranger than fiction. But let's move on to the incredibly creepy part of this story. These people (using the term loosely here) HAD A RECORDING OF MY SON TELLING THIS STORY. And I heard the recording. So he did say those things. He plays with their sons all the time outside.

But through out the recording you can hear the dad and stepmom saying 'if you tell me, I'll give it to you.' Which my daughter caught and pointed out. My 4 year old was brought out and questioned. I didn't say a word as he was questioned. It was determined that they knew I was in the house and had asked him how I got in and what I borrowed. It was also determined they were giving him candy for 'the right answers'. And they kept asking him until he 'got it right.'

Anyways, they're evicted as of Sunday. I figure they were just trying to cause as much trouble as possible. I'm trying to rise above, telling myself being questioned by the police for a few hours will be a small price to be rid of them. The hard part is when you honest to god haven't done anything wrong, and then have to prove it to someone like an officer, who is really just doing his job...

I am far from perfect. But I like to believe I have a high moral standard. And that I inspire my kids to be the same way. Be kind. Do good. Speak with respect. Those are my only rules for my kids (got 5, you gotta pick your battles at that point) aside from 'pants are not optional at the table' and 'don't wipe your boogers on your sister'.

I guess this turned into a bit of a rant. My daughter would be an amazing detective, for she was the one who pointed out to the officer that the ladder had not been moved in almost a month and had vines growing up to second step so obviously it had not been moved at all.

But honestly Steemians, how would you have dealt with it?

What is the best method for dealing with the inevitable low life like this?