Matador (poem)

This is a poem I wrote a few years ago...I thought this would be a good platform on which to share some poetry I have written through the years...enjoy ;)

MATADOR

I want to be seen.
Every dusty corner of my soul.
The darkest holes within me, covered in cobwebs
And guarded by spiders who would kill in one bite
If given a chance.
I want someone to take that risk.
Who wants to fight off my spiders,
Who trusts that I’m worth it.
I want someone to ask me the questions
Nobody else has, because the parts of me they desire to know
Are nowhere near the surface – they’ll want to dive into my icy waters
Because the tip of the iceberg will never be enough.
I know that I hide, but I want to be found.
I want to be searched for.
Within these dark and dusty folds of my heart,
I radiate sunshine never before seen by another.
I want someone who craves that experience,
Who will endlessly search through a mountain of a thousand keys,
For the sole rusty key that will open the depths of me, and let them in.
I take time and effort.
More stubborn than any bull, MY matador must be armed
With more than just a cloak of red, but a heart of gold,
A soul filled with honesty, transparency, patience, acceptance, vulnerability…
A long list that I’ve written over and over in my mind’s eye.
I ask for a lot but nothing that I will not reciprocate, happily.
Blood, sweat, and an endless ocean of tears have been poured
Into the quest for my true self – the search for a level of self-worth
That I can rest my head on and settle into – a pillow of reassurance that
I am worthy and deserving of the love I’ve learned to give myself.
Now I desire a separate entity – a partner whose trustworthy eyes I can see myself from,
Someone whose mission is to unwrap me slowly – like a gift so great,
You must take your time to make sure you’re ready for its unveiling.
So if you’re ready to release me, from the cage I’ve built around my heart,
Begin with one frayed and tattered piece, and slowly unravel…
I may fight and resist and build whole walls quicker than you can remove just one brick.
But I can promise you, your persistence will be the antidote to my resistance.
You’re all I’ve ever wanted.