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RE: Ruler of this succulent illusion [Day 13]
I love every stanca,especially the closing one that spoke to me the most, save this one
Sibilant decay & euphoric mistmaker,
Queen of flawless geometries <these two feel fine
But these two feel like they are from a different poem somehow > Grasping the silver rose, Wearing the brooch of pearl & sunlight. < I guess the silver rose and the pearl seem like blunt instruments in a poem that in all other parts seems so finely woven. Sort of like a big patch of burlap on a fine muslin dress if that makes sense. But then I am weird with imagery ... so don't mind me to much. Otherwise it is a wonderful piece :)
@tygertyger, you have a keen eye: I am much obliged. Both with this observation and the last regarding the word "sombre" I could not help but feel the need to alter the pieces you indicated felt odd in the piece!
In this case, those two lines were intended to contrast the severity of the beginning with something bright. However, it seemed to actually weaken the piece's overall effect!
Actually, it seemed best to simply remove those two lines and redivide the stanzas. Seems a bit more cohesive & flows better now, I think. Thank you again :-D
Not sure if it is an eye it's more like when I read stuff I feel its vibration like movement or like I move through it ... then sometimes there is a wall or snag of sorts. Like stumbling on a path that makes you look what it was that made you fall :) glad I was useful :D