A letter from below

Dead, buried, forgotten
Here I lay six feet below
With lots of regrets
For the words I left unsaid
For the deeds I should have done
I was thought to be prepared at all times
To leave no stones unturned
But I had reservations
I tried my best to be prepared for everything
But one; Death

So here I lay taking a dirt nap
Full of regrets because I never told my papa
That I understood his reasons for yelling at me every other day
Especially the night before I kicked the damn bucket
That my vision was clouded by teenage temper
But I guess I see better from down here
I see the undeterred love he had for me now
I wondered how I could be that blind not to see it
I’m sorry I never said the magic words.
“I love you dad”

I lay here with the pang of guilt hitting hard on me
A reminder that I never told my mama
Her sacrifices were much appreciated
Rather I filled her ears with more demands
Some of which I knew she couldn’t meet
Demands that I now consider vain
I guess I was just some juvenile with teenage hormones
I should have cherished the motherly hugs more
The warmth that came with it
Cos now the only hugs I get are from the chills hands of death

To the girl I once loved
As I lay in this wooden box pushing up daises
My mind wandering in memory lane
I realized that I let my pride get in the way
I let my insecurities get hold of me
Most of all I let lust interfere with our love
I guess I was just a fool who couldn’t handle love
But this I know for sure even as I lay belly up I did love you
And I’m rueful because I lost a chance at true friendship

So to you that still has the opportunity to see the sun rise and set
Make hay while the sun shines
Leave no important words unsaid
Cherish every moment you share with your loved once
Most importantly be grateful
You wouldn’t want to be like me when you’ve passed on
Languishing in the misery of your regrets
Take my word for it
I bet it’s enough if you’re wise

                                         ~ from the desk of a skinnyblackgirl