Explore

I recently watched a short video in which Jack Ma (Ma Yun), ceo of Alibaba, speaks about the need to adjust our current educational curriculum to focus more on the arts and free thinking among other things. This led to me thinking about the rampant fear we have of exploring our "dark" emotions whether it be because sadness etc makes people uncomfortable or because we were never taught how to explore these feelings it makes us as complex organisms deny ourselves the full scope of our emotional palette.

This short poem seeks to explore these dark feelings.

Have you ever poured out your heart?
allowing each emotion to free flow like ocean rip currents
exploring the hidden cavities within an existence persistent on containing wandering thoughts
I wonder what my mask conceals
terrified of what truths have been shrouded in deceit
perpetuated by lifestyles devoid of reactions
slowly losing touch with everything that creates figments of happiness
I used to think I could only experience joy in a twisted bottomless abyss of sorrow
my obsession with darkness created cycles of normalcy
confusing pleasure and pain
smiling constantly in the face of twelve months of rain
It's been said trauma give birth to resolve
that beauty is most stark against backdrops of ruin

out of body experience
occurring more frequent
as if inner beings conspire escape
from a shell of a person terrified to break free from societal restraints
I've imprisoned myself and swallowed my own freedom
I let it fall deep into the chasm doubling as my throat
a cruel game to see how much you can hold
before you explode or choke on your own unexpressed emotions
how long will you ride this roller coaster high
chandelier heart a shame it's been shattered a million times
strings pull glass shards to control a failing state of mind
welcome me home i know my return has been long delayed, highly anticipated
feelings restrained, I'm sorry I can't help but pull away
to value solidarity is to exist behind layers of unearthed fears

i almost feel removed like the soul within has drifted on
what pain I feel..
my strongest emotions permeate sorrow
I only feel ok if convinced I won't make it to tomorrow
died more times than one can count
you've never known me, because this shell is not who I am.