"Poison" an Original poem inspired by "A Poison Tree" (by William Blake)

in #poetry7 years ago (edited)

Here are 2 poems. The first one is a classic written by William Blake. It is one of my favorites and inspired me to write the second one. Remember, I was in like 9th grade at the time so it's kinda immature.

A Poison Tree
Poem lyrics of A Poison Tree by William Blake.

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with my smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree

And Here is my version

Poison
I keep the anger inside of me
like energy
I let it build up and strike out
intermittently
It's unpredictable, like the path of the twister
leaving damage like the aftermath of a blizzard
from here to Tennessee, I use trickery
to fool the enemy
Like the way I hold grudges
my thirst for vengence grows like shrubbage
quick, like the bamboo stick
can't rise above it.
as time grows it eventually blooms
illuminescent fruit that leads to the tomb

and he saw the the shine, but he didn't know
that it was fruit from a venomous vine
and it was mine

so, cool, calm, and cold I awaited
when he was shielded by the darknes of night
he infiltrated
and took of the fruit of which I cultivated
with poisonous thoughts
and he smiled as he ate it

suddenly his hands clinched his chest
he fell on the ground flopping like a fish
gasping for breath

at dawn I check on my trap
and found my enemy outstretched
upon his back.


If you like this, check out some of my other stuff.

Morning Holocaust - poem about shaving
TGIF - Original Spoken Word Poem

Sort:  

love your poem, thanks for sharing

Thank you for the feedback.

Congratulations @moeknows! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

Award for the number of upvotes

Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here

If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how here!

Haha your poem is ace! 9th grade??? Wow! that's very cool. You have such a vast scope of imagery. As for the William Blake - omg that poem is magnificent. By complete coincidence, in the middle of last night I wrote 2 poems - but more about how feeding my wrath only ever seems to destroy myself. Neither are as good as yours, but you can check part 1 out here: https://steemit.com/poetry/@girlwithoutwings/raven-mark-1-fury-and-loss-to-be-resolved . I can't get part 2 to link but it's in my blog. And I'm resteeming this as I really like both poems and they're relevant to what I'm working on today (after that I'll ditch my heart rendering nonsense for a while and focus on stories :) Great work!

Greetings @moeknows, I left you a message on one of your other poems that cycled out I think it was 14 days old. loved it.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.15
TRX 0.17
JST 0.028
BTC 68754.67
ETH 2469.20
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.37