No friend of mine

i thought you were different
but you're like all the rest
feigning what you like to call love for me
as a friend
how deeply grateful i was
thinking "here is the friend i never had"

your love is selfish
when you found out i was taken
that i can't belong to you even though
you're the one who left
and now you're mad?
so i hide my phone for the day and
try to shake
my melancholy mood
as i come to terms for the thousandth time
i am the only true friend i will ever have.

women despise me, men
want me
all or nothing
their happiness, not mine
if i can't be theirs
they're no friend of mine

what if
there were a third gender, my breed
maybe they would walk with me
to get ice cream, not trying to
take me home
maybe
they would understand
i can't give my body to the whole world
maybe they would be empathetic
when i tell them why this hurts
why beauty is a curse.