I truly hope you don't leave. I have some weird feelings about suicide though. I would never kill myself, and I generally don't think it is the right decision, but who am I to say if it is? The reality, as an atheist, who also happens to feel spirituality comes from nature but has nothing to do with afterlife, is that we are specks in the time continuum. I am also an existentialist really, who feels that nothing really matters, but in our small microworlds where everything feels so big and like it matters so much, that is where we find value and meaning in life, and that is also worth considering. So suicide in the context of the microworld is devastating, and in the universe, is a blip, a simple shortened existence because of the weight felt by the person of said existence. I wish my friend was still here, that she could pet my dog, that we could laugh about who we were when we were 14, that she would have stayed long enough to move out of her Christian parents' house, the ones who condemned her for being a lesbian, and moved to Portland, Oregon or Barcelona or even Mexico City where I am now, places where being a lesbian these days is standard and accepted. And in my microworld, where I have been devastated, I often cry when I think of her even so many years later. And I also know that she still exists in the way that you say, as long as people keep remembering her, because that is her energy somehow. I'm truly glad to read your words here, because community and people, even digitally, help me feel connected, and feeling connected just feels better. xoxo