Nyctophobia
I should’ve gone out for iced-cream,
Before the doctors pronounced me dead,
Nothing crazy, just vanilla -
Then a bullet in my head.
I should’ve brought along some rainclouds,
For when my mother’s love ran dry,
I thought I could weep myself a river,
But in the end I couldn’t cry.
I just wish I could go back in time,
To leave nothing up to chance,
I’ve been wanting to waltz around this pain,
Maybe I’ll teach myself to dance.
I should’ve made a script and kept to it,
Cause I played the part so wrong,
They’ve all but abandoned me now,
Maybe I wasn’t meant to belong.
It kills me when they yell my name,
Like I never even mattered,
They just screamed so loud I couldn’t hear,
That my own heart had shattered.
I wonder what I thought this morning,
Did I know the world would end?
If I did, why didn’t I realize
That all I needed was a friend.
this is brutally raw and unsettling. Suicide poems always are. I wonder why you chose the title and what you see is the relationship to the poem? Fear of darkness and the blackness of depression--how does that come together for you? I'm asking because poems always allude, but connections are left out
Thank you for your comment, it means a lot. I assure you though, this poem is the opposite of a suicide note. It's more of a complaint about the depression that follows abandonment. The title's reference to fear of darkness hints at the fear of the unknown that accompanies abandonment and the uncertainty of new surroundings. I don't write suicide poems, I write what I feel, and I love what I feel. I'm just 16, why would I stop what I love just because it's brutally raw and unsettling. My poems are my life, and just like my life I wouldn't end my poetry because I couldn't handle the pain they hold.
Brutally raw and unsettling are my favourite!
Haha, yeah, I see where you're coming from. It's as appealing as dark humor, and it rhymes! How can you get any better.