|
irregular pulse, beating away, defying what the human body needs.
skipping past verbal rampages in my head;
this annoying terrorist who just won't stop bugging me with his AK-47;
clustering and releasing everything that i don't want to hear into this vacuum of emptiness.
tired muscles, aching to be touched,
reveling at the idea of having someone next to me now...
i sit on my bed on this fine dawn,
my favorite hours of the day,
where my mind is clear and inquisitive;
and my soul is quiet and pensive.
blowing smoke rings out of my last pack of marlboro,
pondering mindlessly on what is this impervious block that's stopping me...
i'm trying so hard to find the key to my heart.
it seems to have been confused for a long time now.
the inability to form functional romantic relationships, or any kind of relationship,
for that matter... but why, oh why?
contradiction and irony take reign; it's like the fifth reich.
dictating my emotions and thinking;
suppressing my basic instinct.
i put on this sunny disposition, "happy go lucky" clown suit;
buying into the optimism and the shameless superficiality.
it's not that i haven't been true to myself.
this is the real me.
but it's only part of the real me.
it's enough that i have to deal with the dark side,
why should i drag others there too, isn't that true?
i suppose you could say i'm reserving my reserved side,
only for myself and no one else.
i'm unwilling to let people into that world.
because it's not a pretty world.
endless disappointments, crushed hopes,
under attacks of others; often without a reason.
it's like the shock cushion -
this world absorbs all the negative encounters,
and is kept under a tight lid, so no one could enter it.
but maybe now is the time to revisit it.
i need to face my fears.
i need to understand that in order to be happy,
one must also understand despair.
it's funny how sometimes i even forget about this world.
not really living fully - do i put on a good show?
i could have you convinced perhaps, but not myself.
i never really put 100% of me into anything.
because if i lose all of it into this one bet, i'm gone.
maybe i'm not ready for the truth.
but that doesn't mean i will settle for ignorance.
i would rather suffer, knowing the truth;
than live in a state of false bliss.
but i'm just so afraid to reveal the truth.
the truth is - i'm afraid of being known.
everyone leaves once they know.
the mystery no longer exists.
i don't want to be abandoned.
i don't want to be hurt.
but will anyone appreciate my little idiosyncrasies?
after this frivolous summer, believing that perhaps It really doesn't exist.
It is just a word that we make up, so we could explain our irrational behaviors.
yes, they were good times, and they were probably the closest thing to It.
but now, i want to find peace within myself.
my actions could be justified, because i'm brilliant enough to twist them around.
everything is malleable; it just depends on how skilled you are at manipulating it.
but of course, only you know the truth.
let me whisper my truth to you -
i'm sick of this meaningless fooling around.
it wasn't wired for this purpose.
i'm going to find the natural rhythm and wave,
this beautiful and harmonious thing.
because it is all that we've got.
and i'm going to be brave,
and give it a shot.
because love is worth it.
and to all of you out there who don't believe it,
you're definitely missing out.
i don't remember when was the last time i confronted myself.
the sun is rising, and i feel like running.
i feel like running to the edge of the world,
and scream until every single glass is broken in this world.
i want to reach out for this strip of light,
hold it and let it guide me.
i want my past to stay where it is.
without causing any disturbances to my present life.
my mind craves for an escape now.
there's enough depth for 48 minutes.
and now i need sleep.
Image credits to pixabay
| 
@honeybee nice poem.take more rest buddy..
kindly see my poem too..thanks for your support.
i will always follow your poem..more power to you brother..
https://steemit.com/poetry/@mrblu/poem-could-this-be-love-i-m-feeling-right-now
Brutal honesty, as it should be...
Your words resonate true to many of us, although i can only speak for myself. I started writing poetry because I too felt similar, and conversation (like this) feels restrictive.
Perhaps the white noise in the mind is poetry itself, more formless and less structured - fragmented and whole, vivid and blurred, paradoxically themed to set the stage for clarity to come - we live poetry.
:) thank you for sharing
Simply breath taking, wish I could write like that. Kudos and keep it up.
Congratulations @honeybeer, this post is the seventh most rewarded post (based on pending payouts) in the last 12 hours written by a Superuser account holder (accounts that hold between 1 and 10 Mega Vests). The total number of posts by Superuser account holders during this period was 544 and the total pending payments to posts in this category was 3608.63. To see the full list of highest paid posts across all accounts categories, click here. If you do not wish to receive these messages in future, please reply stop to this comment.
Nice Line !!! everything is malleable; it just depends on how skilled you are at manipulating it
Wow. I love how the emotions flow within this poem, every verse seems uh i don't know since i cannot really express it in mere words.. I haven't visited that 'world' for so long as well. :) I can quite relate to it. This poem is just awesome, I'm so glad to have read it. :) Thank you very much for sharing this @honeybee. Have a good day. ^^
You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.
- Mahatma Gandhi
amen.
@honeybee Sharing to acquire this observed a lot more (and maybe open the eyes of a few)! Thank You for any effectively submit and documented write-up!.
great post thank's for share it with us , i love poetry I ve followed you thank's again !