FROM THE DEPTHS OF A TROUBLED MIND

Everyone else is happy with what they've become, at least that is how it seems
But I don't know if what I am is what I had always seen in my dreams
One of my many companions - failure - just reminded me of how much I don't have
I think I'm beginning to loose it

My mind, it used to be a serene environment for brooding and metamorphosing great ideas
But now it has been overcrowded by an unknown legion of thoughts and unanswerable questions
Questions that I may never have answers for
I am not sure how I got here but I know this is not where I wanted to be.

So I keep asking my self "who should I be?"
No how about "why should I be who I want to be"?
And then the loop of questions keep going round and round with no ending.
It's a like a circular maze, I can't tell where I started from by the time I get to where I'm going to

Everytime I think to my self, life should be easy after all all you've got to do is live it
But Everytime I try to see the good odds and possibilities I'm obstructed with memories, and then the blackouts come and then voila! We're back to where we started from.

I don't know how to solve my own peoblems, I guess there's no formula yet for it
In my sleep and in my thought death has come to me several times but I would not do it's bidding
I already have a lot of problems and I don't want to add going into Oblivion to it

I am not angry with myself, I don't think I should be
Neither am I angry with nature or any other variable of life there is
My mind is not in order so I console my self with the fact that this is just another illusion
An illusion borne out of confusion

These are my rhoughts, yes they may not make sense at all
That's because I can't remember how to, and even if I could, I still do not know what that sounds or looks like