A bloom serene
A bloom serene
.original poetry
by @d-pend
.
A bloom serene
Inner rose arise
in nascent matrices—
self-seeded.
Through the clarity of witnessing,
pinwheels languid accelerate.
With panelled hibiscus walls,
floored carotene.
Chandeliers crashing calcified
make the sound of dissociation.
Craving that snap near-imperceptible
to liberate tense fibres:
may I be self-shorn
of my mangled mental-mane.
Insectoid afterimage,
trailing tendrils of black neon.
a gnataceous cloud occludes lucidity—
Until that singular bloom
gives forth a miraculous scent,
that carves the air of its blights
and seeds serenity, spent.
Poetry by
@d-pend
9/2/18
.
Photos by
.1 — "Rose" by ziw-monster [cropped]
2 — "Rose" by tigerelf [edited]
3 — "Rose" by dr-sharon [edited & cropped]
Greetings, @d-pend.
You seem to accentuate in this piece one particular aspect of your word play: word order. When English is not our second language and we struggle for decades to get adj before nouns right, it is curious how discommodious it can get to run into a different pattern.
Of course, poetry has always allowed for such licenses, but still...
All these "delayed" adjectives give every verse a sense of elongation, like an afterthought that is not quite.
And this was just me rambling about what I perceived as a linguistic oddity that may not be.
As for the poem itself, I see an enphasis on introspection. The rose is not quite a rose, contravening what Stein would say :)
The serenity may be inspired by the physical external floral phenomenon, but it is experienced internally.
It is "self-seeded", nobody planted that rose inside us. How does it bloom, though?
Maybe out of contemplation; the understanding that flowers languish. The image of floor carpeted with orange cayenas (my mother's favorite flower, by the way. She calls them Cachupinas) is suggestive of decay; magnified by the sound of crashing chandeliers.
I am not quite sure what the "mental mane" means here but it is a mangled one; it suggests artificiality, and nobody will solve that for you. That mane has to be "self-shorn", only then can lucidity comes back.
I like the image of the "gnatacious cloud" obscuring the mind. It echoes one of the biblical plagues.
And it is precisely the scent of this inner rose that will clear the air of this pestilence.
Then, we can talk about inner peace, something quite hard to achieve for some of us.
This was an excellent read. As you recognized, the rose is a metaphor for that finer part of ourselves, which, when nurtured, recontextualizes the seeming chaos of the outer world (and the inner life, as well.)
Regarding the changing of word order, I fear I am quite guilty of such poetic license. In fact, if I couldn't break ordinary grammatical structures, I would not find poetry so delightful to write. I can definitely empathize with the oddness of interfacing with poetry in a second language. I quite love Borges and Octavio Paz, but glean much more from translations due to my somewhat mediocre Spanish.
There is turmoil in this piece, some looming lack of comprehension of life's vicissitudes. Only the continued revelation of life's ordinary wonders can cause the motion to become harmonious to an ever-subtler faculty of perception.
I appreciate your taking some time to comment on my comment.
Glad to know you enjoy some Latinamerican writers (even if it is through translations; as Borges himself would say it about some of his translated works, sometimes they are improved by the translation).
I certainly saw that turmoil; I am going through one at the moment. I am finding it very hard to reconcile expectations with reality, my sense of logic, reason and justice with life's vicissitudes.
I know i need some inner and outer explorations to re-discover life's wonders and find harmony, but i am finding it harder every day.
I am very thankful to you for having providing me with chances to pause and think; I am finding it very hard to concentrate on intellectual work. Somehow, as reality crushes you, art appears as a poor and deceiving immitation of reality; one that only postpones the inevitable collision.
Yet, again, thanks for the opportunity to delay that collision.
Thank you for this beautiful poem @d-pend, to put everything in rhythm that is a real art, I always was impressed by those who could put their ideas in poem as a child I could really sit and listen to that rhythm that was like a music. I love the roses, the one with water drops is a real beauty :)
I’m so glad you’re sensitive to the rhythms of poetry! These days its appreciation is not so common. It’s actually a gift to be able to decipher the cryptic. I thought the rose and water drops was beautiful too :-) Thanks for the comment!
Posted using Partiko iOS
The longing to be at peace with the inner self sees the serenity of the flowers as a lifeline. Shelter in nature is a feasible temporary escape until the waters return to their course. Beautiful poetry friend.
Thanks for your poetic comment my friend! Hope you’re doing well.
Posted using Partiko iOS
Strong, interesting poem. I particularly liked the start, which combines strength with simplicity, and reminded me a little of H.D's Sea Rose poems (early twentieth century), I don't know if you know them?
Thanks a lot! I wasn't familiar, but I just found this link. Quite nice. There are multiple poems of this sort? Thanks for the comment @dr-law, and welcome to Steemit by the way. :-)
A beautiful melding of the scientific within poetic imagery. Wonderful:)
Thank you kindly, Pryde :-)
i dont know what i just read, but i think this is in next level of poetry. i dont know how to even call it. potremy?
Call it whatever you like, if you get something from it I’m happy! xD
Posted using Partiko iOS
I sensed the alliteration here and the cacophony of the sound in this mini verse really, it's awesome when read out loud, it's amazing, beautiful write my friend.
Hey josediccus! Yeah the alliteration claws came out from nowhere on this one. Seemed to fit decently, it’s a fine line with alliteration getting too cheesy and sounding like a tongue twister :-D I’m glad you dug this one! Have a great one.
Posted using Partiko iOS
I definitely did I use them a lot in my pieces you know, you can imagine I felt so taken by it when I saw the beautiful usage, fits perfectly for a tongue twister too. Amazing one buddy, I'm definitely going to read more, I'm making more time to be on steemit
Thank you for being a member and supporter of the creativebot.
Enjoy your day and stay creative!
Keep Steeming on!! <3
very nice photography!
I love the last pic!
cheers,
-edga NOWARGraffitis
Hey, glad you liked them! They are not my work, so check out the deviant art links at the bottom of the post to see more from their respective creators :-)
One of these days, I will start taking more photos myself!
Posted using Partiko iOS
Blooming flowers is a divine quality.nature protect them