Plunge (Not)

Hey, y'all. It's 1:58AM here. This is usually the time I do all the rough thinking for the day. This post is a product of it. It's two poems actually. They are not a very happy poem. It came from somewhere deep and dark. If you happen to have bouts of depression from time to time, you may want to stop reading now. Both poems were written in the middle of a nasty episode. Kind of a way to breathe.

Here's the first:

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Source

_{Have you ever thought about the quickest way to die?
Do you ever wonder how it'd be like to die swiftly, without pain?
No, not when you're old and grey
And someone you love is holding your hands
Telling you stories about your great-grand-children
I'm talking about here and now
Right this moment
Do you ever wonder?}

_{What if I tell you that I want to tie stones to my feet
And fill my pockets with them too
Then climb into the little pool behind the house
Because I know it'd be easy
I can't swim after all}

_{Or that I want to slit my wrists
And watch blood draw irregular patterns on the clean floor
Till my eyes glaze over
Till my lips stop quivering
Till the voices in my head stop talking}

_{Or that I want to take those pain pills
The ones the doctor told me never to take more than one
The ones he said I shouldn't take late at night
What if I tell you that what you think of me is wrong
You probably wonder what my fingers do in the dark}

_{What if all they do is wipe the tears on my cheeks
And crack open the windows so my tired eyes could smile at the moon
What if all they do is refrigerate spoons
And put them under my eyes in the morning
To mask the circles that appeared from my lack of sleep
What if all I do is think about how to end it all
How to make the pain stop
Have ever wondered what would happen when you stop feeling?}

Second:

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Source

_{Hey
I wanted to record this
But somehow I'm writing it
I guess it's easier this way
'Cos I wouldn't have to listen to it
If you're reading this
Know that it's a part of me I want gone
You'll understand before you get to the end
At least I hope you do}

_{Since the beginning of this week
The only thing I want to do is sit and listen
Not to a slow song
Nor to a loud music
Like I often do
What I want to listen to is someone's voice
Just sitting in quietness
No sound
No movement
Only silence
And the person's voice}

_{I don't really care about what the person is saying
All I'm interested in is the soothing sound
And a throaty laugh maybe}

_{Before it was insecurity
And sadness
And worry
And fear
But I've made peace with myself
Also with life
Death even
I know it's bound to come
I don't mind
I don't fear it}

_{I can't say I know what the triggers are anymore
I forgive more
I laugh more
I love with everything
Still it's here
It always finds a way to spring forth
After I push it down
So I'm wondering
The best way to deal with it
Getting lost in the midst of people?
Or stop feeling at all?}

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PS: Always pay attention to people around you, even when they smile often. You just might save a life.

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Thanks for stopping by!
What are your thoughts?