Fearfully Falling

You are all I need, basking in the sunlight of your radiance I feel my toes. For the first time since I can remember I have no woes. Then the crashing cascade of my own doing, splashes down upon my hopeful future. I am a tyrant, playing the fiddle the devil of a father left me. I am hatred, for myself mostly. I can pretend that I love myself as much as I love you but in the end, that is farce. The left side of wrong is still wrong. Can you ever begin to decorate me in devotion? A notion that has hope. Impressively, decisively I dive head-long into pity. It isn't that I am witty, or pretty, in fact I often look in the mirror and see such blackness, I cannot believe I even exist. The demons form within my mind, of treacheries I've committed, sublimated and defined. I am the crime wave of my own days, this play, on endless loop. Reality slips further away as the distant footfalls of reason fly the coop. I press my hand to forehead, wondering what it is worth inside, when I am dead. Not the buried deep within earth dead, the one where life passes by my eyes but my mind is not fed. Bred to take this road, so that has oft been told. I am too damn old, and with no rays of your love I again grow cold. So boldly I threw it all in my weathered face. Disgrace drips from every line here. I know not what my future brings, though without you I will be nothing but a blowing string, tied to a pole. Holding on as the storm blows. My heart beats still. The breath in mine lungs churns acrid. Sulfuric air escapes my lips. I trip, slip, rip my eyes from your too beautiful face. My ears bleed at your honeyed words, and angelic timber. I whimper. "Free yourself!!" I scream falling apart before you from every seam. It's a dream to hold you. Tears blanket my eyes as I behold the mold I have again created. Another full of hatred, this time it is yours.