Death by necessity

Maybe it's time to never see you again, not wanting to feel more, to flee from your skin, memories, what you taught me, run away from ALL the good and evil that you caused, but I fear, I'm afraid of not feeling that adrenaline again, toxic obviously, but it's just like taking a breath after the feeling of drowning.

You managed to put an end to my comfort zone, to end my "perfection", turning everything into a fucking destruction, because you were a tsunami, because you turned me into a storm, beautiful but undomesticable, so untouchable, that was your love. Beautiful to unknown eyes, but harmful to my health.

I hate not knowing who I will be when you are no longer, I hate to stay without understanding that I can not have you anymore, that my biggest caprice, that my trophy shelf, is another, that your dreams are no longer mine. But it is impossible for me to continue colliding with that wall that you represent because I am indestructible for others until I stumble upon you and my body falls into a thousand pieces.

How will I know after being alive if you aren't here if I don't feel your breathing when I wake up? How? You are a drug that I refuse to leave if you are what I lacked, why should I let you go? If my body fits with yours, as if carved to perfection, how do I erase the embraces of the skin? How do I erase you from me?

I need to be strong, I need to be a fighter, I need to fly without you, I have to let you go, I need you to be a real memory, not one that comes back every time I ask, I need to die to be reborn.