Winners, Losers, and Consequences

To the one who wins.

I surrendered and then you won
Before you knew the fight had even begun.
You don't know the wars I've waged;
That's the surety that I made.

I protected you from further hurt.
I sacrificed my own self worth.
I paid my debts more than twice back.
I haven't cut a bit of slack.

When I told you what you thought I did
You chose to be the bigger kid
In doing so intensified
The guilt for more than just my own lies.

"You deserve it," I repeated to the mirror.
I ignored any doubt I would feel from her.

I did it for you and your fairytale ending.
I saw what you wanted, so I went on pretending.
I did everything I could to make my wrongs right.
I slaved over what I could to make your perfect life.

You never lifted a finger in my direction
Besides to point behind my back at my imperfections.

I thought you were the bigger one in our heart of disgrace
But the bigger one doesn't rub it in the loser's face.
The bigger one doesn't rip off the scabs just as they start to heal
Off the wounds of the loser's skin to appeal
to her conscience like she's never had one at all.
A bigger person would look down and see how far down she'd fall.

So I've poured every ounce of sympathy I could squeeze.
I've held nothing higher than your serenity.
But you never acknowledged your weights that I've beared.

You never looked as lowly as me until you heard that I shared
The one thing I've been dying to say
When it was a pebble in your grand old way
Towards your fantasy ending. God knows you deserve it.
God forbid the truth of my struggles affect you one bit.

In the winner's tale, I'm a blemish on the face.
Cover me with makeup if I can't just be erased.
But in the loser's story, you're the one I can't forget.
What was just one race that you won is my life's greatest regret.

So you might not want to be reminded
Of a time when a prop in your life got misguided.
So you can remove evidence of history from your perfect facade
But I can't cover the scars from your line that I crossed.
I can't take back the now destroyed pieces of me;
They were stolen and that won't disappear in my history.

And I bet you'd never understand
That you are the reason I am who I am.
So it might surprise you but from the eyes of a loser
It desecrates what's left of her watching you remove her
Like I weigh nothing to you, after all I've held held onto
Like I mean nothing to you besides how my existence has wronged you.

I'm nothing to you but a reminder of worse times.
You're everything I'll ever be no matter how loud your goodbyes.