War in my Mind

I never wanted to face
The soul inside of me
That gentle creature
Hiding inside a rigged exterior
That craved for warmth
Yet screamed they were on fire
Set ablaze to only cause others to run
Outdone in all efforts to please
Only to realize
that brought one down to their knees.
I plead,
Read me.
I am an open book
Yet I look blank
Covered in dust.
Millions of stories to tell
Yet misinterpreted so well.
I wonder if the tales of Old
Will continue to scare those who aren't bold.
Nevertheless, this quest cannot rest
Heavy eyes stumbling with chaotic distress.
If these pages fall out
And the cover wears thin
Let it not be from overuse of millions
But a special soul who tucked it deep within.

○●○●○●

The only solace: to curl up tightly
Since I can't let anyone else in
The fear of attachment
That leads to the fear of abandonment
Sinking one down into the deepest trenches
Drowning in a War I never chose to fight.
Forced into a battle many have to face
But that doesn't change my Fate.
I'm trying to be okay
But truthfully I sometimes wish to fade
In these bombs falling from the sky.
Sometimes I wish I was brave enough
To admit I want you by my side.
Do you see this war?
How much do you abhor
Of this madness I create
Or seem to...
Is it me?
All these tragedies?
Or just the mind of a victim
I don't wish to play.
These bones feel tired
Of playing soldier
But who else is there to be
If losing this shield crushes me?