A Learning Curve

I realised today that it’s been almost 3 months since my last photoshoot at the studio -due to the pandemic. In that time I’ve only managed to muster up enough creative energy (between DIY projects) for one little self portrait photo shoot session at home, in which I captured the image above. I shot the image using coloured gels but felt this particular one worked so much better in black and white, giving it much more depth and atmosphere, turning the mottled backdrop into a more smokey looking effect, which I love.

In this time I’ve spent at home, I’ve noticed some patterns in my behaviour. I appear to have a 2 week phase of full on creative energy and motivation, followed by an almighty crash. A loss in interest, energy and motivation. A desperate need to recharge physically and mentally. Usually I spend this time beating myself up for being lazy and unproductive. I get frustrated over my fuzzy mind, chaotic thoughts that I just cannot focus on fully enough to do anything with. So many options that I simply cannot make a decision, I cannot prioritise what would be best to do first. I get distracted easily and procrastinate like a pro!
I decided this time to just let myself relax. To accept the fuzziness and have faith that the motivation and creative instincts would return. Allow myself to recharge fully. I spent 7 days just doing the bare minimum. Keeping on top of housework, and just taking notes on any thoughts or ideas, and to dos that I was unable to focus on fully enough to make a decent job of, ready for when the clarity arrived again and the motivation returned. If I wanted to sit and binge watch Netflix one day, that was fine. I allowed myself to do these things without feeling the usual guilt and battle of my own mind. I did not force myself to try and think of new ideas or solutions. I just let myself be, and sure enough BAM! The creativity and motivation hit me like a gloriously sparkly rhinestoned bolt of lightening, and this time it felt slightly different. My body and mind were in sync, both well rested, full of positivity and ready to take action. I feel more confident in myself and my abilities and excited by that.

I’m hoping to reopen the photography studio around mid June, following government guild lines. I wont be able to do hair and makeup for my clients for quite some time, but I shall offer them video tutorials of their chosen look, so they can prep for their photo shoots themselves, before arriving at the studio.
But before I reopen I need to put all of my new ideas into action. I have a tonne of new themed package ideas, a new set I want to build and an online pinup course to create!
Will I be able to do all of this in my 2 week creative and motivational window, before the next crash? I believe I will deserve super human status if I do! 😂

My mental health over the years has been a real learning curve, and I feel I’m finally getting to grips with how my mind and body work, and how to use that to my advantage.
I’m going to keep tracking my state of mind throughout each month so I’m better prepared for the arrival of each phase.
The creative and highly motivated phase.
The time to rest and recharge. AKA the Netflix binge watch phase!
The time to take stock, and make plans on paper! Organise and iron out the details ready for the cycle to begin again.

Have any of you noticed a similar cycle in yourselves? Would love to hear how you manage it, and any top tips to keep myself transitioning smoothly.