Self Referential Oddity

This has been a strange period. There is now a dislocation of identity. Now it is seen clearly that the self referential chit chat that continues unabated in the mind is in essence is no different to the sound of birds in the morning. At the same time my life continues exactly as before. There is a clear visceral sense that all this happens in me. The inner blah blah that I identified with before, comes out of the same silence as anything else. Slowly a shift to that silence is happening but what makes this surreal is the ego expects something to change but nothing does! The same old patterns emerge - realisation without liberation. I now at least feel I understand what realisation means and it's no big deal. No bells and whistles just a recognition of the silence that is the counterpoint to it all. Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing into a vast void. The breath itself seems like it's an infinitely small portal into a vast space. So in particularly contracted periods all that needs to be done is to ... breath ... follow the breath inwards into space. True space exists internally. Externally the projection is suffocatingly dense like diamond. Problem is 'inside' and 'outside' no longer make sense apart from a purely arbitrary attribution based on basic biological self determination. In one way everything is outside and yet in another everything is inside. The arbitrary lines no longer satisfy because they are now clearly seen as useful but not true. Utility serves the narrow purpose for which it was designed nothing more nothing less. So intellectually I would have expected the boundaries to dissolve but they are as clear as they always were. What dissolves is the identification with them. In Siva's dance there is occlusion and perhaps the hiding of the truth lies precisely in this identification in some aspect of the totality. The game of Maya revolves around identification. As long as there is identification there is fear. Preservation of the part obstructs contemplation of the whole.

In the beginning when we first start playing the seeking game we approach this from completely the wrong point of view. We play a word game. Books are our friends and eloquently talking teachers doubly so. All that is needed is a glimpse of the chatter from the perspective of silence. That changes everything. Then the seeking game is seen to be no different to any other game in town. They're all zero sum games. The only winner is the ego. Now I'm dumb struck. Quietly whispering 'further'. Thanks Jed.