RE: The Death of Conversation
I have listened to a few of Alan Watts' talks on YouTube. He is a fascinating man. So articulate, and incredibly funny to boot. While I do think he also talked a lot shit at times, a lot of what he said truly gets your mind into exercise mode.
I would have loved to have seen him live at some point actually. A shame the dude is gone now.
As for my thoughts being aligned with his.. I don't recall ever hearing him talking about this subject, but, I have fallen asleep listening to him before, so perhaps something related to this subject was playing while I slept, thus, making me believe I came to this conclusion based on my own observation. But perhaps, they're really just his.
If I'm honest, not judging people is the most difficult thing for me. I mean, is judgement really so bad? Prejudice certainly is, but should we not judge people based on their actions, and then make a decision about whether we want to be near them?
I would love to be more tolerant of idiocy, and I try to be every day. And considering I was an idiot myself for such a long time, it is awfully hypocritical of me to have such a low tolerance for it in others... But, I just see so few people making any effort to change their ways, and it can be quite disheartening.
I have a lot of respect for you, for the patience and tolerance it seems like you possess. If you have any Alan Watts talks on how I can help myself with that, it would be much appreciated. Lol.
Thanks a lot for the insightful comment!
I actually have a book you can use. It's for parents raising kids, but seriously, how many of us have actually grown up? It's called "Raising Human Beings" by Ross W. Greene (I talk about it in a few of my blog posts here) and offers a basic premise as the subject of departure: "Kids would do better, if they could."
When I see people behaving "like an idiot", I set aside my desire to judge them for a moment, and consider the possibility that they lacked the capacity to do better. I use the words of Dr. Greene and suggest that when people behave badly (not a judgment, just lack of a better description) and say to myself, that the person I'm observing lacked the capacity to respond adaptively to the demands of her environment.
Once I started framing everything I see in the context of a lack of skills to respond adaptively to the environment, I began to see people in a whole new light. No longer do I take anything personally anymore. No longer do I feel the need to punish another for not getting it (whatever it was I wanted them to understand). With that came nearly infinite patience for people who simply lacked skills. Why?
Because now motivation is not a factor. I don't worry if people wanted to bug me. When people are upset or angry with me, I let them be and talk to them until they calm down. Talking to someone tends to engage logic. And I mean talking in a calm tone, acknowledging them, without reprisal.
I've been practicing this for years and it takes a lot of practice to hone it to a fine art. Anyway, I recommend that book to anyone, even if they don't have kids. For me, it gave me something I didn't expect to get: self compassion.
This comment made me laugh. Simply because, it is pretty much the opposite of my perspective on it, which is a little ironic. You think it is perhaps mean of me to be intolerant towards idiocy, which I would agree with, but I do hold the belief that we all have the capacity to be better. It seems worse than intolerance to simply write them off as essentially lesser people.
Sounds like an interesting book nonetheless. I'm always looking to improve myself. Though... I'd rather an audiobook. I don't have much patience for reading. Seems an inefficient use of time to me.
I'm glad you had a laugh. I was really speaking from my own perspective, but using the same term to maintain the frame of reference.
Anyway, you inspired me to write a blog post. Thank you for your inspiration.
Love it when that happens. Consider yourself invited to provide with me the link afterwards. No flag--
Your invitation is appreciated:
https://steemit.com/life/@digitalfirehose/judgment-idiots-and-self-compassion
Thanks.