Needs, wants, and happiness

There is only one thing we pursue as an end in itself. Everything else we pursue is a means to this end. That thing is happiness. We pursue happiness for its own sake. Everything else we do is ultimately a way of trying to achieve happiness. For instance, we exercise to keep in good health, which in turn allows us to be happy. We may also enjoy the exercise itself.

So, in general, how do we achieve happiness? We are happy when our needs are being met.

There are universal human needs, and some are more foundational than others. Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs, with physiological needs such as food and water at the base, a range of intermediate level needs, and self-actualization (reaching one's full potential) at the top.

In any case, we feel discontent when our needs are not being met.

Wants are specific strategies for getting our needs met. For instance, you may want a sandwich in order to meet the need of being fed, or you may want a particular person to fulfill your social needs.

It is important to recognize that there is no such thing as needing a sandwich, or needing a particular person to do something for you. These are wants, not needs.

People create a lot of unhappiness for themselves by getting attached to particular wants, strategies for getting their needs met, rather than identifying their unmet needs

Recognizing the universal need behind the want helps people to recognize that their are other available strategies for getting those needs met. This can save the person from a lot of senseless frustration.

Conflict often arises when two people want things that are at odds with the other person's wants, for instance if one person wants the other to do something to fulfill their need, but doing so would prevent the other person from fulfilling their own needs.

If both people are able to recognize the universal needs of themselves and the other person, then they are now in a far better position to work out a strategy which allows for the needs of each person to be met.