Distributed Love

When I was a young boy, I used to centralize my love. I'd fall for that pretty girl who'd make me smile, and spend all my time thinking about her. This was all good and well when the relationship went well, but as soon as it fell apart, I fell apart.

I remember one breakup in particular that left me devastated- I loved this girl so much. When it finally dawned on me that it wasn't ever going to work, I nearly drowned in the heartache. Yet on one crazy night in the woods, a psychedelic epiphany dawned on me- I had a lot of love to give, and was trying to give it all to one person. If I instead took that love and distributed it to everyone I interacted with, then I would never be without.

When I integrated this thought into my behavior, every interaction seemed more wholesome and sacred. Love was no longer a scarcity, but a ubiquitous element of life.

Time went on, and that beloved epiphany lost some of its charge.

To some degree, I started centralizing my love again- except this time, it wasn't a person I was devoted to, but a substance. It wasn't anything crazy- just a yearning for burning herbs. Still, I noticed that weed was the only thing getting me high, and that I lost some of the vibrancy I found in connecting with others.

I took a step back, and did some more self inquiry.

"Where am I investing my love and appreciation?"

It turns out it wasn't just ganja- I had invested my love into numerous other activities and people- which meant my love wasn't actually centralized, it was decentralized. Still, it lacked the vibrancy of my initial epiphany. Eventually I came across a picture describing the difference between centralization, decentralization, and distribution.

Then it hit me! I might of decentralized my love, but that psychedelic epiphany of my youth distributed it. I wasn't just connected to a handful of things back then, I was connected to everything and everyone, through love, respect, and appreciation- and life was beautiful.

Today, as I reflect on what I've learned, I'm overwhelmed by a curious thought- "How do I get back to that distributed love?"