Do We All Have Three Faces?
Human behaviour is a really complex thing. I guess that’s bound to happen when there are so many of us, each different to the other in a multitude of ways and all of us forming a web of interaction.
There are many layers to any person as he or she is a sum total of their nature, preferences, personalities, attitude, view towards life, upbringing, dreams and aspirations, emotions, and so much more.
It is really difficult to understand someone completely. That’s why I respect psychologists, who make it seem so easy. But still, even they do not get it right all the time. Such is the complexity of our behaviour.
I guess, it has to do with the way we behave differently according to the people and circumstances we are exposed to. In fact, a Jesuit missionary wrote about his observation of the Japanese that they have three faces, that I think may actually apply to all of humanity. Let’s talk about the three faces.
The Face You Show To The World
We come across thousands of people in our lives. A majority of these people, we meet only briefly and then we take our separate paths. In a way, they are the tourists in our lives.
Our interaction with these people is different to how we may interact with the more important people in our lives. I am not saying that we are rude with these kinds of people but there sure are differences.
I mean you wouldn’t completely trust the word of a stranger like you might your best friends’, right? Our expressions, our reactions and the way we behave with such fleeting shadows in our lives are quite different.
And that’s the first face we all carry. The mask that we put on according to what we think is culturally and socially acceptable and the one that we remove as soon as we step inside the home. The longer we have this on, the more exhausting it is.
The Face You Show To Family & Friends
We all have these special people in our lives whom we care for a lot. There is the family consisting of your parents, your spouse, siblings, children for whom you would do anything.
Then you have your best friends. These are like your second family and while these two groups of people are separate from each other, and may form separate spheres of life, the behaviour or the ‘face’ is quite similar.
You have a good time whenever you are with them, you can tell them anything and can be more ‘yourself’ when you are with them. Also, these are the people you seek when you are in trouble and they literally form your support structure in life.
You also do the same for them. Basically, you enter a caring and loving mode for these people in your life and this shows in your behaviour. Even here, it differs from one person to another. Yes, we can all care but showing that care can be done in a thousand different ways.
The Face You Never Show Anyone
No matter who you are as a person. No matter in which stage of life you are. You will always want to spend some time alone, doing absolutely nothing. There is something about solitude that is so alluring.
During times like these, the truest reflection of our ’self’ comes out. Basically, this is the part of us that we keep hidden from all of the world and it only comes out when nobody’s watching.
This is the all knowing face, your soul, the core of your self or whatever else you might want to call it. This is the ‘real’ voice calling from the back of your mind when you are busy putting on the first or the second face.
This is the face that makes you feel guilty when your first face is being nice to your boss just because you want a promotion and this is the face that cries silently when your second face is busy smiling in front of your loved ones telling them you are fine.
While some things will always be kept in the privacy of one's own mind, I think it is a noble goal to try one's best to only have one face. I've actually paid a fair amount of attention to this over the past couple of years, to be mindful of when I feel that I am not speaking with someone's "inner face" but only interacting with their outer face. It is very common, indeed very human, but it's not the conversation that I want to have. Bringing my inner face to the surface has also made me a whole lot more relaxed. I speak my mind and do not spend energy and effort thinking of how it needs to be filtered for the outside world to accept it. If they like it, good. If not, too bad. Surely I may have turned off some people to whom I've been perhaps a little too direct with what I think and what I believe. For the rest, however, I've found that it helps enhance and deepen the relationship with the person. And in the end, it is the number of good relationships that are worth counting in the end.
WOW!!!! Well said man, well said!!! I totally agree with every single word. Especially the part where you said that it makes you more relaxed when you bring out the inner face to the surface as you don't have to spend energy thinking. Wow.
Someone said when you do not lie you do not have to remember anything. I think you hit on it with keeping that true self out in the light but in can only come out once you have integrated your shadow self as Jung would say. And you seem to have done that. Otherwise to deny it, it would only fester and grow. Well said.
wow! Really great article. I think this is one of my favorites of yours. I agree, I feel like we are like onions, with many layers. We are all the same at the core, but what we choose to show other people depends on how close they are to us. The casual tourist encounters are what people see of the onion that has it's shell on. The white part of the onion is what we reveal to our friends and family depending on the level of trust and relationship.
I also believe that different people bring out different sides of us... maybe because that is what we want to present to them or want them to think about us. It's almost like where are multiple people in one!
First of all, thanks for the kind words. Really means a lot :)
Second, you gave a perfect example of what I was trying to describe!! I will upvote this comment so that this is the first thing people read to further understand my point of view. Really well done :)
awww! :) Glad you enjoyed my analogy! :)
also I just posted a blog about this contemporary dance I performed, and the dance was actually very similar to the topic of your blog. It's about how we are all the same deep down, but we don't seem to notice, because we are all off doing are own things. :)
Could also be interpreted differently.
ok will check it out.
great post!! an extremely interesting article 🤔
I think these 3 faces - face for world, face for loved ones and face for yourself have more divisons..
yeah, definitely can have more sub divisions.
I'm not sure about three, but I knew a lot of people who ended up being two-faced.
Me too brother. me too!
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Thanks!
Some complex concepts you're looking at here. For me though, I think it's even more than three faces. Even when we are alone with our selves, we are forever conscious of the fact that we cannot see all of our self. The person we are with others can sometimes reveal what we can never admit to ourselves. The esteem we seek in the eyes of others is the missing leg of the shadow we don't see, the iceberg of self that hides behind our own eyes.
That's an interesting way to view it. Nice! :)
Yes , thats true. Nice writing.followed
Thank you :)
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yup i totally agree.. everyone has multiple faces...
nice post bhai...!!!
upvoted and followed...!!!
Thanks for reading man :)
I can see some truth to this, but for myself I like to think I have the same face that I reveal more of depending who you are, or what the situation is. Instead of 3 faces, more of the face is revealed.
That's an interesting way to look at it too :)