Duality

The two faced duality that offered fabrication in the wiles and truth in the silence in between the words. Yes my lords and ladies, I, would like to take a bit of all your time to talk a bit about well let’s put it this way, one of my favourite subjects… Drugs and Spirituality.
So, why this topic? Why am I making a singular commitment to actually correlate the effects of drugs and suggest the same as spirituality?
If you are no a dopie then you may miss out some of the aspects that I am talking about. And if you are into meditation then perhaps you might still disagree with my though process.
I will be quoting Osho a bit because he was the only guy who was kinda bold in manipulating perspective and giving it a new meaning altogether and guess what Osho also believes that the attraction of Drugs is spiritual. (Ref : http://o-meditation.com/2012/06/12/the-attraction-for-drugs-is-spiritual-osho/)
All he states that only the same should be done in moderation and in utmost guidance till a person actually reaches the state of mind which one reaches through meditation.
Point is there is no point in the whole argument or rather the existing of any point is not that necessary.
Fact of the case is if Drugs and Meditation is similar….i.e one is temporal effect and another is a permanent effect then I would like to bring it in front of you that the end result is a state of mind in surreal existence of neutrality.
Now given to the very objectivity of my observation, and trust me this comes from a person who has been into drugs at one point of time in his life, why would I need a surreal mind set to keep me neutral in the first place. Isn’t that hypercritic in the first instance itself? What am I scared of? What are my insecurities?
I was a dopie guy who liked to get high. But getting high got boring after some time and no, its not because what Osho says that the boringness was due to my body’s increased capacity towards drugs in general. No, I was bored of the same because, I became silent and my sense of observation in that silence was enhance with each time I got high and got I always get high in the first instance. In the very first drag.
What I observed scared the shit out of me. The state of mind of a druggie or a meditative person is impaired as the same is kept in a suspended animated state either by self practice or by stimulated drugs. That mind is unable to either feel happy or sad and perhaps that’s the one time humans truly attain the state of true neutrality.
Neutrality bored me after sometime. I know that prolong use of either drugs or maybe meditation would actually take my mental state and spiritual state to attain neutrality more often but to what end? I understood that it is death. Death of my own self. The self that has loved me so much. But death is truth. The only truth. And like Osho says, that truth is, and truth only is. Then that means that on my death I will attain the neutrality that people are so hungry to attain now and then I will cease to exist. Why in the hell would I be in such a hurry to loose my own self to attain neutrality. If I am incapable to feel pain then I will be an utter failure to actually soak all the beauty and love this world has to offer.
What does this mean? This means that the person loses his or her utter capacity to either love or hate anything this world has to provide and that state of neutral mind makes the person secure of the fact that he or she cannot be affected negatively by the pains that this cruel world actually dishes out from time to time.
Like the duality of yin and yang, I believe that no matter how much pain this world dishes out to you, there is out there the treasures, the beautiful treasures that will never cease to put a smile in your face and make you feel special. But beware, sometimes treasure that can make you smile may come in the form of a sandstone rather than precious diamonds or rubies or jewelleries.
For all men and women must die but before we die no matter how much pain we face, the faith that life will often throw some beautiful should be cherished and realised.
Why live in neutrality because of the fear of pain?
Now, this state of mind would be a sanctuary for people who has been hurt and cheated throughout their life but knowingly or unknowingly these people have lost faith in the one thing… their own true self. Many will tell you that you can find your true self while you are meditating.
No, it’s actually the other way round; meditation is a mechanism to lose your own true self to neutrality. You can be secure but you will loose the very fundamental of life force that has been gifted to you…..the ability to cry and the ability to laugh.
I ventured into drugs, because I didn’t had the time to go for meditation after my lover broke my heart and went out of my life. The reason was same; I didn’t want to feel anything and wanted to secure myself. I wanted that neutrality.
Somewhere down the line, I realised that I didn’t feel any pain and I was content but then again after sometime I wanted to feel happy (there was a surreal pleasure, which I mistook as happiness for sometime) and was unable to feel the same because I had attained a state of neutrality due to my indulgence in drugs. So I didn’t cry but I lost the smile also. I was dead for the very first time in life and it gave me a certain kind of peace. The peace was what I had a glimpse of what was there in the end waiting for me.
So one fine day, I decided that life is not all about sunshine and roses, and if I want to be happy and peaceful then I have to have the ability to face the sadness and disappointment this world has to offer. I should and must be brave enough to accept the duality this life and world has to offer.
I don’t need drugs or meditation to train my brain to neutrality. I fell in love again and yes it took sometime but I fell in love again. Yes there are pain and insecurity attached with it, but when I laugh or when I smile or when I love, I am at peace with myself, I find myself laughing deep, I find myself living again. This will never have been possible if I have lost myself to any of the above two.
There is nothing to attain except peace love and happiness. There is no heaven or hell out there, if there is one then it’s there very much inside you till your breath holds. The moment you die, the hell and heave disappears with you. Why would you want to die before your death?
No, I am not a masochist who will tell you that there is a certain charm in feeling pain. I am a lover would will entice you to believe that there is a certain charm in feeling.
For dead people don’t feel. Dead is neutral. Dead is dead. It cold as a fish and is the nothingness through which nothing sprouts out.