RE: Psychedelics and their Ability to Self-Regulate Use
I read something on Reddit somewhere, pointing out the subtle yet important distinction that the psychedelic itself doesn't deserve respect, but your own subconscious/unconscious minds deserve respect. The psychedelic acts as a way to remove normal filters and experience those parts of your mind for a while. What you're saying makes sense and nothing wrong with it, but I found this interesting because I'd never quite made the connection. It goes to show that the depth of a psychedelic experience isn't purely a result of the drug, but of your own mind that could theoretically be tapped into without drugs. I know after my first trip, I was fascinated by what the brain might be capable of. I've learned a lot since then, mainly that a good meditation practice is the key to naturally developing the kind of peace, stability, and awareness that you have in a pleasant trip, in everyday life.
If only I'd understood that a year and a half ago. Instead I couldn't help but to keep looking to psychedelics looking for the resolution my first experience gave me. The first time was like a much needed brain-defrag. But the psychedelic can only do so much, and you have to do the rest of the work. That first trip still is, by far, the most healing trip I've had. I eventually became aware of this but I was still fascinated by, and in love with, the experience of tripping. The swirling euphoric sensations in the mind-body, the way music moves you so deeply that you become the music, and visuals that can keep you entertained by a spot on the carpet for hours. Due to my addictive personality and lack of willpower and self-discipline (I'm still working on this) I couldn't help but come back next time I had a chance, and my tolerance was back down. I tried out a handful of psychedelics and research chemicals. My eventual conclusion was there's not much point in using research chemicals because you're curious, because the experience is basically the same as a classic psychedelic. The tryptamines I tried felt like shrooms, but with different lengths depending on ROA. LSD analogues feel like LSD and people still debate whether the effects are even distinguishable. They can be easier to get than classic psychedelics, so availability is the only real reason to use research chemicals.
The more I tripped, the weirder and darker my trips got, with a couple pleasant (but not really beneficial) experiences.
Fast forward to my 10th (I think) trip about 7 months after my first, and to the point of my comment. I briefly described how, despite how exhausting a trip is, I became psychologically addicted and quickly became bored by sobriety again. However, I still agree with you about their self-regulating nature. That is because even if you're like I was and eat trippy things way more often than you should, you can only do it for so long before you get the kick in the ass you need and deserve. This may be a danger though, because for me, that was a breaking point. It was my biggest dose ever, because I wanted to know what a big dose was like, and finally had the balls to take a little more. It was a leap of faith. And it still kicked my ass, because an ass kicking was what I needed to get my life together. The first half was euphoria. After the peak, it all left and I experienced a few hours of pure emptiness, anhedonia, depression. I didn't fight it. I knew I could only let it be until it was over. In my tumble down from heaven, I remembered every problem that I have and more that I wasn't aware of. I watched my house of pain rebuilt from the ground up. It was like slamming into a brick wall. I had no idea where to start. I felt like shit.
This is when I developed my mindset that any experience, no matter how it feels, can have a positive or negative impact on your life, depending on how you choose to interpret it, and the path you choose to take after it's over. I didn't want the mushrooms to fuck up my mind, and I knew that wasn't necessary. I started taking steps to resolve my giant list of problems, not because it was easy, but because I had no choice; either change, or suffer for the rest of my life. Big changes are usually not a good idea. I quit smoking weed cold turkey for a long time; that was the first step, a necessary one, and a very difficult one I had always failed to do. After that I made smaller changes and built up momentum. It was like my old lifestyle and ways of thinking are an addiction I have to wean myself off of, as I gradually adopt better ways of thinking, and better patterns of behavior, along the way learning what does and doesn't work, and making minor adjustments to my path as needed. This is why big changes are usually best made slowly, so that you have time to learn exactly what changes to make, and so withdrawal doesn't pull you back to the old way and further discourage you from ever trying to change again.
My last trip set me on a lifelong path of improvement. I'm still aiming for the enlightenment that psychedelics can give one a glimpse of. I meditate daily. After that experience, I was so badly shaken that I couldn't imagine ever touching a psychedelic again. It's been 10 months and I still feel like, with the state my mind is in, it would be a bad idea to trip. It blasted my mind open into a deeper level of emotion that took me a few dark months to learn how to handle, and find peace again. It blasted my awareness open, I couldn't escape my thoughts, they were like a constant sensory overload, my mind loud and uncomfortable, my inner monologue incessantly rambling and I couldn't do anything about it. My mind still remains at the edge of what it can handle, and even a microdose might push it over the edge into another painful experience that would take weeks or months to recover from all over again. I'm mapping out my own mind naturally through meditation and making good progress. Unearthing layers upon layers and making changes as I go, guided by intuition, meditation, and contemplation.
Didn't mean to write so much; this comment is basically a post in itself and I might use it as a draft for an actual post in the future. Your post sparked this long train of thought and I feel it adds to what you said with a more personal perspective. I post this in hopes that anyone reading might learn from it the power, positive and negative, of psychedelics, how a positive experience may have no effect on your life, and how a negative experience can have a positive effect on your life, if you choose to make the changes that are necessary to find peace again.