The Ethics and Economics of Caring: Valentine's Day Propaganda

Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching and love seems to be a relevant and appropriate topic to think and furthermore, write about. However, I want to talk about love in a sense that we often don't think about it and in terms of a type of labour. Emotional labour may seem like two funny words to string together but when one really stops to reflect on their connection it is not an inaccurate juxtaposition. What do I mean by emotional labour? Well, it is the cumulative and aggregated acts of care we routinely give to our spouses, partners, friends, coworkers and affiliates that require us to put our own needs aside to support and care for the other. I purposely use the words cumulative and aggregated because these acts can, and often do, become debilitating over the time and space of our lifetimes if they are unreciprocated and/or we don't practice good self-care. For those that are inherently givers you will know what I am pointing to immediately and will need no further clarification or explanations. However, for those still scratching their heads with oblivious looks of dismay I will elaborate.

I firmly believe that love in its proper articulation and understanding is a verb. Love is an action and not merely an emotional feeling of nervousness, butterflies and sexual attraction. It is the way we show up for our people in a thousand unsexy ways everyday. We may understand love as a noun but in its most fundamental and important expression it is an action. It is not something we just feel but mostly what we do. Love is a universal and abstract concept that needs praxis and grounding in the particular through our actions.

How the heck does any of this relate to Valentine's Day? Let me explain....Most people hate Valentine's Day. They feel its another form of consumerism and a problematically manufactured "holiday" that requires an individual to act and respond in a particular way. With that being said, I have a bit of a different take on it. I, in spite of the anticipated backlash and the haters who are gonna hate, LOVE Valentine's Day and not because of the assumption that one must buy their loved ones a gift. I love Valentine's Day because it's a day that requires and gives permission for an action. Write a letter, make a meme, bust out your crafting supplies and make an Old School Valentine, do a task for a loved one you know they hate doing. There are so many simple things you can do for another that cost absolutely nothing but remind our loved ones that they are valued and the emotional labour they do for us is appreciated and most importantly noticed. I find the silliness of the day endearing and honestly, a little magical. It's a day to remember what your life could or would be like without your special someones and a good reminder (and social cue) for those that are not inclined as givers.

Finally, to be loving is a constant and sustained effort especially in a world that is often hard, uncompromising and increasingly dissident. To love when our senses and fears tell us it is unwise is an act of courage. I guess I celebrate that act of rebellion against a cold and indifferent universe and the summoning of our internal courage and gumption to act. Brené Brown talks about courage and how it was etymologically linked to the word heart and I believe this to be true. She writes:

Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences -- good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as "ordinary courage.” ~Brené Brown, I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

So, in this sense I see Valentine's Day as an opportunity to be brave and speak your heart, to love and in return, be loved.

Be well and flourish. :)

Kobie (AKA Existential Hippy)